Yarn of Time (Canon Patchworking with Uchiha Ren Omakes)

Omake Five

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---

"I keep telling you, if you want legs, just ask and I'll ask Oro for a spell that'll turn you something more humanoid for a day or something," Ren sighs, allowing the threads, stronger than steel and softer than silk, that make up her hammock to sway in the air, rocking her above the water.

"And what good would it do?" Kisame asks, swimming circles underneath her with an ease that only a true aquatic creature could attain. Ren is always rather jealous of her friend – her body is completely unsuited for water, let alone swimming. She has lungs, an entire respiratory system, basically, on the lower side of her abdomen, for crying out loud, and appendages absolutely not suited for mobility in water.

"I dunno," she waves her hand. "Maybe it would finally resolve your issues so you would stop your rather sad to watch pining after my pretty-feathered cousin," she snorts, and then shrieks in outrage when Kisame uses his tail to splash her with water. The merman only cackles at her expression – almost as bad as a cat splashed with water, really – and dives underneath the surface before she could even retaliate.

"Fucking fish boy!" she hollers, forcing her massive body to move with a grace and speed something her shape and size surely shouldn't possess, and makes her way over to one of the old cherry trees between which her hammock hangs.

"Love you too, brat," Kisame says with wide grin when he resurfaces. To be honest, it seems to be the only thing he resurfaced for, and Ren hisses at him loudly, mandibles flaring open, waving two pairs of forelegs in the air. However, she can do absolutely nothing to the merman in water, and he knows it, so he just laughs at her and dives under again.

Ren huffs and crawls away, firmly set on her course.

---

Orochimaru sighs and looks at Ren again, as if unsure what to think of her most recent 'brilliant' idea. Given that this is a rather common occurrence, it's nothing to worry about, really. Except maybe for the fact that he, once again, seems very fed up with her antics.

"So, let me get this straight," he says slowly, looking at the woman. "You want me to craft a spell that will periodically turn Kisame humanoid instead of aquatic as he is now, and then secretly administer it, so that you can cackle at his flailing?"

Ren grins so wide, he could see her tucked in mandibles. If Orochimaru was fazed by things like these, he would most likely be alarmed. Alas, he's just a rather powerful sorcerer with little to no desire for social interactions, thus he just sighs at Ren one more time and turns to the shelves full of books and scrolls.

He isn't even halfway to it when he feels a pair of arms wrap around his waist. Had this been anyone else, said person would already have a missing head, or at the very least his fangs in the shoulder, for such violation of his privacy, but Ren-

Ren is a monster, just like him. And, just like him, she embraces it, wholly. She understands and never judges, unless you do something absolutely dumb, so it's okay. It's okay to open up a bit, because she's not Tsunade or Jiraiya, not going to be scared off, or run away from the responsibility. For all her flaws, Ren is surprisingly responsible.

She's also unbelievably warm, which may or may not be the deciding factor for the cold-blooded creature he is.

"Do you want me to craft the spell or not?" Orochimaru asks instead of trying to get free, relaxing in the hold despite himself. Ren hums into his shoulder, and he can feel her smile.

"Just a second, okay? I still think it's ridiculous for a snake to be this cuddly," she murmurs, and Orochimaru scoffs.

"Excuse you, I'm a naga, not a snake."

"Half-snake, then."

"Are you a mere half-spider that way?"

"I hate you."

"This is not how you hold someone you hate."

---

Kisame is definitely going to murder Ren. Drown her, preferably. The second he gets a hold of her, she's a dead spider. It's not his fault that those two appendages called legs are so not made for moving. Ren makes it appear so ridiculously easy, and she has about ten limbs to control, arms not included, and he can't even manage two.

"Could you, like, stop making a fuss and maybe dress up or something?" Ren asks from where she's hanging upside-down from one of the massive trees native to this forest. They've been like that ever since the Kodamas of the Senju clan settled here thanks to them forming an alliance with the Uzumaki Kitsunes. The Uchiha – who were mostly Tengu, aside from Ren, in all her Tsuchigumo glory – had been rather vocal about that, but the foxes are fucking frightening, so they could do nothing. Ren herself is rather adored there, especially since the Uzumaki prince, Naruto, has the tendency of trailing after her like a lost puppy.

"I hate you!" Kisame hisses, still entirely blue and with gills and even webbed fingers. Only his tail is split in two, actually.

"Dress up before Obito gets here," Ren rolls her eyes. "Do you want him to see you like this?"

Kisame barely manages to throw a dark blue yukata on and doesn't even fully tie the belt before there's a sound of flapping wings and a scarred, odd-eyed Tengu lands between the trees. He looks at Ren, about to say something, but then his eyes turn to Kisame and he freezes.

"Well, I'll leave you to it," Ren chirps sweetly. "Kisame, remember, Oro's spell lasts exactly twenty-four hours. If you need it re-applied, you know how to call for us! Have fun!"

And then she's gone, moving far faster than her massive spider half should allow, especially when going through the dense forest.

---

"Obito is moving," Madara says the very next day as Ren is just about to leave compound to go and see Hana. She stops and turns to one of the oldest Tengu in the clan and adapts the most innocent expression she can muster.

"He is?" she asks.

"Yes," Madara growls. "Is this yet another of your dumb ideas?"

"Maybe," Ren shrugs. "It's not like you can do anything about it. You like pining after your best friend's younger brother, he likes fish. I, personally, like snakes."

"I do not like Tobirama!" Madara squawks, wings flaring and feathers ruffled.

"Yeah, you don't," Ren shrugs. "You're so deeply in love with him that it doesn't qualify as like anymore."

She's ducks just in time to avoid a fireball soaring above her head and leaves to the sound of Madara's not-really-coherent yelling and her own cackles.