Yarn of Time (Canon Patchworking with Uchiha Ren Omakes)

Omake Nine

"How to annoy Kyuubi no Kitsune into a lifelong friendship for dumbasses"; a step-by-step guide by Uzumaki Naruto, from Kurama's point of view.

•••

This piece has been beta'd for you by hestia8693, praise be thee!

Is does Kurama become Naruto's personal Hana? Why yes. Am I using 'Hana' as a term switchable with 'reason' and 'self-control'? Also yes.

Very short, drabble-ish, with disproportionately long title.

I'm actually not happy how it came out either, but, eh.

!This is part of CPwUR canon! Also the very end contains mild spoilers of things about to come in CPwUR proper, read at your own discretion.

•••

"You must be sad and lonely here, mister fox. And angry. But that's okay, because I will be your friend, and then you won't be sad anymore, dattebayo!"

"What."

*

Kurama doesn't know who to blame; the woman who told the brat to investigate, or the brat who came. Probably, most likely, the brat, but only marginally more and only because the brat is the one who insists on coming back, and not her. But she's a close second, also because she's an Uchiha with developed eyes, and Kurama really, genuinely loathes Uchiha and their eyes. It's personal at this point, and twice out of three times they've been the reason, or part of it, that he'd been caged.

But the brat.

He. Wouldn't. Stop. Coming. Around.

At least twice a day, he would come to the sewer, all smiles and sunshine, and he would yap, continuously, about the things Kurama couldn't be bothered to care for.

(But he listened, if only because he couldn't plug his ears effectively enough. About what Sasuke-bastard did, about how amazing and scary Sakura-chan was, or why Ren one-chan incited Hana's wrath again.)

He liked being alone. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to sleep.

The brat came around two, three times a day, every day, and yapped.

He didn't care. He hated humans.

And then one day the brat didn't appear before him, ankle-deep in sewage that almost ran clear these days, that was showing signs of pollution again. He only felt waves of negative energy, and for some reason, he couldn't relish in his host's distress.

It was the first time Kurama acted, extending tendrils of chakra and intent, an uncertain poke at his host's very existence, impossible to achieve for anyone else, if only because nobody else was locked up in Naruto's psyche. The simplest inquiry, not even a question, nothing spoken. A feeling of interest.

The brat answers nothing, and that's about the moment when Kurama feels the woman who instigated it all come down on whatever was making the brat feel miserable like the wrath of Kaguya.

He could just flip through the brat's memories, but he tells himself it's too much effort.

(It's not because he wants Naruto to come down there and tell him about it in person.)

(It's not because he feels lonely when Naruto doesn't speak to him.)

(He doesn't feel lonely, he repeats to himself without much conviction.)

He startles at the realization only almost. It used to bring him a malicious sort of joy, his host's distress, and yet now, with Naruto, he feels the emotional discomfort himself.

...

And just when did brat become Naruto?

Somewhere for sure. He would dip into his mindscape and yap, and Kurama would humor him with an answer or two, and Naruto would light up like a firework on a night festival sky and chatter even more, and the sewage of his mind stopped being sewage somewhere along the way, giving way to clear water. Naruto's mindscape, in general, was improving greatly, and the Kurama of a few months ago would be displeased that his host was in a good mental place, but the Kurama of few months past kind of disgusted him now. Not to mention that with improving the mindscape, the state of his 'quarters' also significantly improved.

Naruto actually willed him pillows in his cage, for Sage's sake! Big, fluffy, soft pillows that made his imprisonment almost enjoyable.

Sage, what was wrong with him.

Except he knew, didn't he? The brat happened, flipped his worldview, unchanging for centuries, within a few short months and appeared very self-satisfied with it.

Even the comments he threw here and there lacked the previous vitriol, and the brat knew it, judging by his self-satisfied grin.

*

"Hey, hey, mister fox-"

"My name," one red eye slides open, "is Kurama. Better remember that, brat."

A megawatt smile. "Sure, Kurama!"

*

(here be the aforementioned mild spoilers, read at your own discretion)

*

Sometime around Naruto's eleventh birthday, a fox started just being in his vicinity. Nobody knew where it came from, or what it was exactly, or how it started, but Ren came home from a mission to be greeted by a rude, yappy ginger menace demanding she make him Kitsune Udon with extra Aburage.

She looked at him, eye twitching, flipped him off and then asked Naruto, what the actual fuck and how did he do that and does she need to sic her cats on the yappy fuzzball or will he behave.

(Kurama always claimed that Matatabi was the scariest of his siblings. Their semi-domesticated, feline spawn wasn't much better, and a scratched nose hurt.)

(He got his Kitsune Udon, after Naruto taught him to properly say 'please' and 'thank you'. Not even ancient chakra constructs were exempt from proper manners, it seemed. Even if Ren only cared about them when it came to food.)

He terrorized the teachers with sassy commentary that they couldn't exactly rebuke, because while he was very rude about it, he was giving detailed and correct information. He engaged in snark-battles with Sasuke and tasted the bitter defeat when he made the mistake of challenging the Nara brat. He napped next to the Aburame kid, because nobody approached him and it was quiet, and frightened the idiot girls who attended Academy only to ogle Sasuke.

Life was good.

*

"Naruto."

"Eh?"

"If you sign the Toad-guy's contract, I'm disowning you. I already convinced Inari foxes to contract you."

"Sure. I mean, onee-chan hates ero-sennin, so I'm not gonna hang around him anyway, dattebayo. She's good with people like that. Remember how she told us to keep away from this weird eyepatch dude, and then he went batshit?"

"Fair."

"Also how the hell would ya disown me, huh? Ya're literally in my head, dattebayo."

"No clue, but I would've found a way."

"But if ya did, onee-chan would never make you Kitsune Udon again."

"Ugh. Brat, stop being right, I hate it."

*

Somewhere along the way, Naruto becomes kit and Kurama's sass-battles with Uchiha Ren over whose Naruto is more become a commonplace.

But that's good because that means they both care.