In New York (A Lams Fic)

Chapter 9: Say No To This

(I'm so sorry. You're gonna get hurt by this)

Alex PV:
  Very late at night, the day after John and I had our fight, I got a text my Maria. I decided it would calm me down to talk to a friend that didn't witness what I did to John. However, I didn't tell her I was angry with him and even angrier with myself.

Messages:
MissMaria: hey Alex I know this is hella abrupt but I need you to come to my room
Hamiltwhore: why?
MissMaria: there's a massive spider right on my bed and I can't get it off
Hamilwhore: what about James? Can't he get it?
MissMaria: he's out drinking with Jefferson again.
Hamilwhore: okay, I'll be right over
  I left the room without telling John where I was going, but I saw his head turn when I angrily got up from my bed. He looked sorry. I felt so bad for what happened last night. I should have spent time with him and the others. On my way to Maria's dorm, all I could think about was John. Then I got to her room and knocked on the door.
"Coming!" I heard her tell from the other side. She opened the door and I immediately noticed how disheveled and upset she looked. She had been crying, probably over James' drinking.
"Where's the spider? I'll kill it really quick."
"It's right over there," she pointed, "on my bed."
I walked over there. I searched and scanned but didn't see anything, "Maria, I don't see any spiders...," I started walking back towards the door.
"Wait," she said, "you oughta stay."
  I didn't see anything wrong with it and I was still mad with John so I decided I'd hang out with Maria until my emotions went away a bit. I sat on her bed without even thinking of what she was planning on doing.
  She crawled into the bed and kissed the side of my cheek. I quickly turned to her and was in complete shock. She knew I was dating John yet she still did that. Although considering how angry I was with my boyfriend, I didn't see anything wrong with kissing her back. First, that was it. Only a kiss. But then it was a more passionate kiss. It wasn't full of love and emotion though; it was full of lust. It became much more than just kissing, but it would sadden me too much to say everything that happened. I'm sorry, John, my love. I'm so sorry.
  After what I had done, I felt disgusting with myself. How could I do that? It was just one fight and now we may never speak again. All because of my stupid decisions. It was all my fault. But I still didn't tell him. I didn't want him to be even more hurt. I left Maria's room and saw Jefferson and Reynolds as soon as I opened the door. They knew what I had done. I hide my face and walked back to my dorm and as soon as I walked in John was happy.
"Alex, listen. I'm sorry. I know you love writing. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you for working."
"It's okay, John. I should have been with you. It's all my fault."
  As soon as I said that my eyes filled with tears. I rushed into his arms and cried in his chest.
"John, I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that. Please don't leave me!"
  He didn't know why I was so upset. He thought it was just the fight last night. But it was so much more. I cried into his chest for an hour. And he comforted me. I didn't deserve his love. I didn't deserve anything.

John PV:
  Alex was upset with what he had done- or more like what he hadn't done. After apologizing to him, he burst into tears. He repeatedly said he was sorry and that he didn't want me to leave him. Obviously, I was sad and angry because of our little feud the night before but I wouldn't think in a million years about breaking up with him. I don't know why he was so worked up. I still comforted him because my love only deserves the best