Of The Wolves And The Orphans

Breaking Through

I've spent weeks in this stupid hospital room. Hawkeye wasn't kidding when he meant to wait. I don't know if he means to wait until I break, or until he thinks I'm close enough that he can push me over the edge. At first I was sure I could wait it out, I mean, I was willing to kill myself, this should be a piece of cake right? But that's just the thing, I was willing to take action, that's what I'm built for, but waiting is killing me slowly and painfully.

I'm also healing, supposedly. It's been about six weeks in here. The only contact with the outside world that I get is when the nurses and docs come in for checkups and food. My hospital room has no windows with only a tiny side door to a bathroom. Other than the medical visits and the dialing dropping off of my rations and injections of medication, I'm left completely to my own devices. I feel like a lab rat. I try talking to the nurses, but they must be forbidden from talking to me because they never answer and the doctors only ask questions about how I feel in pain level.

After about two days of the restraints, I had finally snuck out of them, but my fingers were bloody and my wrists were bruised. The nurses bandaged them, but did nothing to put me back into the restraints. I wandered around the room, thankful to be able to walk. I had inspected every nook and cranny, trying to find a way out, but nothing came. The room had no windows and I knew trying to burrow out would be useless. That only worked in dungeons. I thought about attacking the nurses when they came since I knew their schedule, but dismissed the thought knowing that I was too weak until fully healed.

The second thing I did was disable the security cameras. Of course, as soon as they were down a team of agents came in, knocked me out, fixed the cameras, put me back in restraints, and left.

As soon as I woke up, I worked on the bonds, getting out of them in only an hour that time. Of course, I realized that I was being monitored for potential suicide attempts most likely, so I decided to test my theory. There was literally nothing in the room to use, so I went into the bathroom, broke the glass mirror with a punch that broke my knuckles and tried to slit my wrists. Just as I'd predicted, a team of agents came in, knocked me out, took all the glass away along with anything else they thought was breakable and sharp, put me in restraints, and left.

Those restraints were worse. They weren't just the buckles, but those were padded steel ones without as much as a key lock. I spent days trying to get out of them till I broke down screaming and banging my head on the table. Paramedics rushed in as I blacked out and I felt them doing things to me, but I didn't care.

The next few days were hell. I was in and out of consciousness just like before, and when I woke the docs and nurses were all swarming inside my hospital room. Finally though, I fully woke up and only a couple nurses remained. I didn't speak, but they did to me for the first time. They said I was going to be ok and so on and so forth, but I ignored them.

I stopped eating. No matter what they brought me, I would not eat. I just stared straight ahead with glazed eyes. Different docs came, all checking for clues as to my sudden lack of appetite. They put me through x-rays and CAT scans and just about every test on the universe, but nothing worked. I was then plugged into an IV and fed through my arm, but it take more than a needle pumping protein into one's blood system to keep them alive. I gave up. I wouldn't sleep, eat, or respond to anyone.

That is, until Barton came. I think over that visit, turning it over in my mind, dissecting it, studying it, analyzing it from every possible angle.

"I hear you've been busy Keira," he remarked, sitting on a chair next to my bed and crossing his arms over his chest, leaning and tipping the chair backwards. He studies me for a moment, and I wait for his appraisal even though I could care less. For some reason, all the fear of him has vanished. "You look like hell," he commented finally.