and here i am, a bottle in hand, writing to you.
here's everything i didn't say.
i miss you. i miss the way you snorted whenever you laughed at something that wasn't even that funny. i miss the way you used to smile whenever i made a ridiculous pun, trying not to laugh when you still knew that it was funny. and i told you to move on, but i don't want you to. i don't want any man to ever love you the way that i did. i don't want any man to discover things about you that i didn't stay long enough to discover. because no man will ever fully understand anything about you. he'll never ask where your scars came from. he'll never ask why you snort when you laugh. he'll hate your snorts. and i know this because you had a crush on everyone who did. no man will ever get used to you walking around your house with your hair all messy with no make up on. no man will ever love the smell of your strawberry shampoo as much as i did. no man will ever see beyond your body and your looks. no man will ever look deep enough to understand that you've been hurt before. and that you're broken in every way. and the truth is i don't want him to. i don't want him to be the one that you wake up next to you. i don't want him to be the one that you say you love. i don't want him to be the one that watches you walk down the aisle. he'll never know and fully understand how truly lucky he is to have somebody like you. no matter how difficult life with you may be.
no man will ever care enough about you to count every single freckle on your body, and love each and every one of them. no man will ever dare to play your childish games that you always made up wherever you were. no man will ever love you like i do. and what hurts the most is knowing that you probably don't even love me the same. but i don't care. because you're my girl. you're my person.
— "everything i didn't say"
