i finally understand.
you've been with her for a while now. and ever since it's been killing me. i knew i was over you, though. a long time ago i knew i was. i was just having so much trouble accepting that i was. there was just this spark that was left in me that wouldn't go away. i needed closure. and now i see that you're so happy being with her, and she's happy with you. that was the closure i needed.
but now i understand. finally, i understand. i was always hoping that something would go wrong between you two. hoping that you would both just call it off. but you didn't. and that was horrible of me to hope. i see how happy you make her. and i see how happy she makes you. i never should have hoped it be any differently. for now i just want you both to worship each other's presence in both of your lives. treat her like she's the only girl in the world. look at her like she's the only girl in the world. never let her go.
i'm happy that you guys are happy. i'd never want for you guys to be anything but that. and i finally understand. i'm over you.
but this weight on my shoulders. it's still there and i can't tell if it's gotten lighter, or heavier. i can't tell if it's because of you or not. i just know that it's still there. and what i don't know. is how to get rid of it.
— i finally understand
