Real Love

Chapter 11: Doctor and Psych

I was disturbed today by the same shifting of the chair and looked over not surprised to see Dr. Leeland sitting on a chair by my bed.

This has been a routine for the past two days it seemed for her to come and question me of my relationship and feelings with Marcus.

I sighed, I just wanted to wallow in self pity for the mam I had lost due to my screw up.

"Good morning Jade"

"Morning"

"How are you feeling today?"

"I am great just still in pain"

I didn't want to talk to her but the doctor who was responsible for my care, a doctor Warren was adamant on my counselling before being discharged.

"We will be picking up from where we left yesterday with you explaining you relationship with Marcus after the beatings start"

" I was always doing something wrong and Marcus always had to resort to hitting me, he wanted me to choose him always to be with only him but I was not good enough for him, I was determined to be better to not talk to other guys,I tried and tried until I did and things were great again"

"You said you were doing something wrong, what were you doing wrong Jade?"

"I tried to balance my social life and Marcus but Marcus deserved my full attention, I also seemed to encourage men even when I tried not to"

"Encouraged men, How? Did you have intimate relation with other men Jade?"

"No we were never intimate but they talked to me constantly no matter how I dressed we were just friends in a sense but Marcus had been hurt and couldn't trust anyone and he only ever wanted me to stay away from other men to show him he was the one I wanted but I managed to still fail him there"

"Why do you think you failed him?"

"Am here, I knew I should not have talked to his cousin and I did now am here because I was just being stupid"

"So he beat you for talking to his cousin?"

"In a way yes but he does not see it as simply as talking to, I was betraying him I knew he wanted me to stay away from the opposite sex''

"So you betrayed his trust and he placed you here broken and in pain"

I could do nothing but nod, I was broken and I was in pain but it was nothing compared to the feeling in my heart.

"Ohk Jade, thank you for your time, I'll see you in the evening at four"

The psych got up pad and pen in hand to leave and turned at the door.

"Have you ever considered you did nothing wrong in the relationship"

And with that she was gone.

But I could not fathom what she meant of course it was my fault.

****
I had sat there thinking about what the doctor said it repeated itself over and over in my mind.

Have you ever considered you did nothing wrong in the relationship

I hadn't and I was trying to but I only kept seeing my flaws what I did wrong.

I shook my head trying to clear it, it was over now I had failed in my relationship. I could not keep one person who loved me happy

One person I scoffed, Mike left, Marcus left wasn't that enough prove of how much of a screw up I was in relationship. I didn't deserve love after all I couldn't make them happy I wasn't good enough, that was hard to admit even to myself but there it was.

Tears formed and I blinked them away, I knew I was broken weak but I had tried with Marcus but the truth was that I was never enough I wasn't able to keep them happy and I only ended hurting both myself and them. I needed to keep myself to myself I was like slow acting poison to any one who loved me I could see that now.

I made the decision I was not good for myself not my dad not my first love not my Marcus so why even try.

"Are you OK?"

I knew that voice it was my doctor he always came and checked up on me, he went above and beyond for his patients I always thought but I wanted to get out of this hospital so I forced a smile and turned my head to him

"I'm OK, no pain or anything the pain killers seem to be working"

"That's good but I was asking about you, Jade how are you holding up?"

"Am OK, I've come to terms with this, thank you for the therapy sessions"

I kept my smile plastered on my face he sighed that's good.

I looked at him he looked tired and I just wanted to be left alone to wallow in my thoughts

"Am glad the therapy id working Jade once Dr. Leeland tells me your good to go I'll sign you out"

I nodded turning my head to look at the monitor, I heard shuffling and I knew he was still there standing looking at me, why wouldn't he just leave already.

"Is there something else you wanted doctor"

My voice was soft just above a whisper but I knew he heard me when he sighed again.

"No Jade I was just checking up on you"

"Am fine,really" I said and turned unto my side

He took the hint, he sighed again before I heard the door open and close I just wanted to sleep, sleep away my life or what little I had left of it, it wasn't much anyway.

I didn't know when I feel asleep but I was awoken by talking outside my door, I have been a light sleeper since Marcus started hitting me, I would wake whenever he went into a room or was just outside a room talking on his phone.

It sounded like the doctor and some woman was talking. I tried to listen, to make out what was being said.

You can't keep the psturnt here doc she's good SNF as for the counseling she has to do that on her home or go to a woman's shelter for battered women

Just a couple more days she is getting Bette.........

No am sorry old friend but she has to be discharged.

I closed my eyes as I heard the door being opened, I was wondering why my doctor kept insisting on me being counselling I thought it was hospital policy.

"Hey, Jade, you up"

I turned feigning grogginess,

"Were discharging you, would you like for me to call someone to come and pick you up?" He said begrudgingly

Damn,I hadn't thought of that where was I going to ho I had moved in with Marcus so I was now homeless.

He must have seen the look of loss and desperation on my face because he then shock me when he said

"If you have nowhere to go you can come crash at my place until your on your feet''

I looked up at him wide eyed

" In my guest room of course "

I don't think that was a good idea at all but u has no where else to go I could just spend the night and leave tomorrow.

I turned to him and make what I  hope was not another big mistake

"Thank you, I had not thought of what I'd do about accommodations."