Flickers | Bucky Barnes

Week One

Karina wondered if this was what a break up felt like. Depending on the break up, sometimes it was one- sided. Someone wasn't happy, or the relationship wasn't working out. Of course, she wasn't exactly in that situation, not even close. She thought this situation could be labeled as "it's not you, it's me" and the most poignant factor was her and James was not even in a relationship. Yet, if she was, the feelings were definitely the same.

As she laid in her queen sized bed wrapped in the silky sheets, miserable. Was she being dramatic? A part of her most certainly agreed, but the other half felt it was justified.

She of course respected James decision in wanting to get rid of what Hydra put in him. It was logical and it needed to be done to help further his recovery. But doing it frozen, she didn't find it very pragmatic. She believed he needed to do therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, to be exact. She knew Hydra and his time under their control was – is – the most haunting horror he had to live with. But he still needed to cope with the dormant issues from being in World War II. The fact he wasn't dead as history – Steve – believed for 70 years and everything – everyone – he knew was gone. He needed help adjusting back into society more than she could have offered him back in Romania.

It wasn't like he didn't cope in those two years in Romania. She thought considering everything, he functioned pretty well. But how they lived in Romania wasn't exactly living. Sure he had a job and an apartment. But they were still in hiding. He still lived in fear of a task force breaking down his door. The way he arranged his apartment and calculated all the necessary steps to escape attested to that.

She wanted to respect his decision – choice – in going back under. She really did. Just being frozen halted any progress he could be making about his emotional and mental state about exactly what Hydra put him through. Sure, the programming they put in him needed to be deactivated permanently in some way, but she thought how he felt about it was more important.

However, she could admit the biggest thing that gnawed at her was there wasn't any time table. They didn't know how long he would be under until they fixed his mind, essentially in regards to the trigger words. She would wait for him. She would. But the rational part of her knew that there would come a point that she would need to move on from him.

She would never give up trying to help the doctors. She wasn't cruel and callous even though she had been avoiding going below ground to visit him. There would come a time that it was inevitable.

Living here in Wakanda, she didn't expect a fancy life in a sense. She was a fugitive among the rest of Steve's friends. She knew T'Challa would try and give them the best life he could in his country, but there were risks and always someone wanting to come after the former Avengers and whoever knew about James' existence. She wasn't expecting to fall in love or anything of that nature, but she knew there would come a point she would need to accept his choice. She would need to cherish the moments they had instead of what could have been.

Karina rolled over and buried her face in her cool pillow. She desperately wanted to go back to sleep to stop her brain from thinking. But she had homework. At least, that would be distracting.

Decked in a pair of her baggiest grey sweats, she overlooked that she believed they were James', and a black wife beater, she made her down to the kitchen for something to fill her growling stomach.

Stepping into the pristine kitchen, she found Scott with a plate of orange slices placed in front of him.

He smiled showcasing an orange wedge that was covering his teeth like a mouth guard.

"Morning," she greeted as she opened the refrigerator for the chocolate milk.

Scott popped out the orange wedge after he sucked out the juices. "Morning. How are you not feeling today?"