Overthinking It || j. m. (UNDER CONSTRUCTION)

4.

Chapter 4

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Have you ever conjured up this reality in your mind that only you knew, that only could be changed by your thoughts? A reality where everything is perfect and there are no influences from the outside world? Well my reality was centered around James McVey. He was the rock that kept me from drifting away with the raging tide and he consumed my every thought in my perfect reality going on in my brain.

I was in love with him and it was a crazy and obsessed love that ate away at my heart every time my eyes wandered to his handsome face. Except my love didn't come from the words he spoke to me or the way he looked at me- those had never even occurred. But it came from the way I imagined how our time together would be and the way I expect our love to be like. Call me crazy, but it was my mind of love. James gave me a reason to daydream, but sadly love makes us dream things that we cannot achieve.

Through my sobbing and shaking and sniffling on the dirty tiled floor of the bathroom, I realized that James' love was something I could never receive. It made me sob more and more with every second the realization hit me, but still I couldn't accept it. It would be like asking the moon to live without the sun. The problem is that the moon loved the sun so much that she died every morning to let him breathe, and I knew that I could never let go of James. Even if my life was spent in a constant chase to win his love, it was all worth it. So I wasn't giving up on James and I decided in that moment on the floor that I would make myself noticed, even if it made me look like an idiot.

Even after ten minutes of my crying and trying to wring out the beer from my hair, Connor didn't leave my side. It was sort of amazing how almost instantly I knew that we'd become good friends and it was even more baffling that he felt the connection too. He helped me wring out the alcohol from my dress and even washed the smell out of my flats.

The tears had stopped flowing and my once quick and staggered breathing had slowed to a calm and steady rhythm that I could speak normally now. I asked Connor curiously, "Don't you have to get back to your band? You'll have to start another set soon, won't you?"

He looked up from the sink with his bright eyes shining and replied, "They can go on without me if it comes to that. It's not like the bass is important or anything." He let out a hearty chuckle at joke made at his own expense as he dried his hands. "I think getting you home is a bigger priority than playing a gig for James."

"You know James?" At the mention of his name, I instantly got excited but then I realized how stupid my question was. Of course Connor would know James- he was playing at his party after all and knew his way around the house like he's been here a million times.

"Unfortunately yes, I do know him and I've known him for years. Our sisters have been best friends since kindergarten so I've known him almost just as long. I wish I didn't though, he's a complete asshole." Connor rolled his eyes with his comment about James and leaned up against the bathroom counter while playing with the wristbands on his right arm. I was sitting up against the edge of the bathtub with my legs out straight and crossed. I moved my tight-covered toes up and down while thinking about his words.

I didn't exactly know how to respond to what he was saying about James. I never would've thought of him as an asshole- maybe a little big headed or even judgmental, but never as an asshole. That title went to Tristan. I didn't elaborate on the reason for my sadness because he didn't ask- and I was thankful for that. Connor spoke again and said, "So did you want me to take you home? I suppose you'd want to now that your night was ruined."