No Love In The Game, No Trust In The Game!

Chapter 2

"Karmen Williams" The principal said as she called me down to the stage to receive my diploma. I walked across the stage with tears falling down my eyes. I'm pretty sure everyone thought "oh how cute, she's crying tears of joy" but little did they know I have no place to go once graduation is over. Mama kicked me out. She didn't even bother to show up to the most important day of my life. As i looked out at all of my other classmates as their families embraced them i couldn't help but feel sad because no one was here for me. My little sister Tamera is all I have and her last day of school before summer is out was today and I didn't want her to miss out on the pizza parties and all the fun kids have on the last day. "Kay" Someone called out interrupting me from my thoughts. I turned around and it was my friend Jasmine. "Hey girl wassup?" I said as we hugged each other. "Bitch we did it that's wassup!" she yelled in my ear. "Hell yea we did." I laughed. "Wheres your mom?" she asked as she looked around. "Oh ummm she's waiting in the car with the rest of my family." I lied. "Oh ok, well we're all going out to Ruth Chris to celebrate. You wanna come?" "Ruth Chris? Bitch Do it look like i can afford some fuckin Ruth Chris? Im homeless as fuck bitch" I thought to myself. "Sorry my mom is already taking me out somewhere and some of my family flew in from out of town so i should really be spending time with them." I said. "Girl I get it. Well have fun and remember its YOUR day Karmen" She said as she kissed me on the cheek and walked off. It's never MY day i thought to myself. Nothing is ever about me. Here it is the most important day of my life and i cant even enjoy it because i have to worry about where me and Tammy gonna sleep tonight. I sold all of my graduation tickets to kids who needed extra ones but that only got me 70 dollars. That's enough for one night at a motel i thought. What am i gonna do?  I said as the tears started falling again. I quickly ran to the bathroom so  no one would see me crying again. When i walked in i saw a wallet sitting on the sink. My eyes immediately got big. I'm from the hood and one thing i know is nobody ever just leaves their wallet sitting around which means somebody must've accidentally forgot it. I checked every stall to make sure no one was in  there then grabbed it and put it inside of my purse. I walked out of the building and towards the bus stop so fast i thought my legs were gonna catch fire. When i finally got to the bus stop i opened it up and there was about 1,000 dollars in cash and 3 credit cards. " Oh Shit" i whispered in amazement. I wanted to cry because of how happy and overwhelmed i was. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!' I said as i looked up to the sky. God may not come when you want him to but he's ALWAYS on time! I felt kind of bad for whoever it belonged to but not bad enough to try to return it fuck that. I got on the bus with the biggest kool aid smile on my face and rushed to go pick Tammy up from school. I couldn't wait to see the look on her face when i told her we're going out to celebrate. I walked into her classroom through the side door so she wouldn't see me. I wanted to sneak up on her to see what she was up to. I got a glimpse of her sitting down reading a book. I laughed because that's just like Tammy to be reading a book on the last day while all the other kids are watching movies and playing board games. As soon as i walked in she immediately popped her head up from behind the book and began to look around. I quickly hid behind the coat rack so she wouldn't see me. "What is it Tamera?" her teacher asked. "My sister's here" she said as she continued to look around the room. "I didn't see anybody come in" she said. "are you sure?" "Yes im sure. She's here, i can feel it" Tammy said as she got up and walked toward the coat rack. "Fuck" I whispered. "She too damn smart" "Kay you can come out now, i know you're in there" she called out. "What am i gonna do with you? You're too smart for your own good" I laughed as i hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. "How do you guys do that?" her teacher asked in amazement. "Tamera always knows when you're here even if no one else saw you walk in." "It's called sister telepathy Mrs. Jackson." Tammy said proudly.  "Kay what are you doing here so early i thought you weren't coming to get me until later?" She said looking confused. " I know but i have a surprise for you!" I said with a huge smile on my face. "What is it?" She asked jumping up and down. "Okay i'll tell you but first you have to answer a question. "Ask me anything, I'm a genius" she said with confidence. "If you're such a genius then what's 12 times 7?" I asked testing her. "Really Kay? That's too easy, 84." "Who was the first president of the United States?" I said. "George Washington, I learned that in pre school Kay" she said as she faked yawned. "You gotta do better than that" "Okay who's the best sister in the whole wide world?" I asked smiling. She paused and thought for a while. "Really Tammy? You gonna play me like that?" i laughed. "I'm just kidding, you are! Now what's the surprise? Is mama letting us come back?" " How did you know mama kicked me out?" I asked. "I heard you guys arguing this morning and she told you to get the fuck out of her house and don't ever come back" "Watch your mouth Tammy!" I said as i started to get angry. "Why? You and mama curse so why can't I?" "Because you're not like me and mama that's why! You're not ever gonna be anything like us. You're gonna be better. One day you're gonna go to college and get a bunch of degrees and start a business or become a doctor or something like that. You're gonna move out of this nothing ass neighborhood. You're gonna be sophisticated and sophisticated people don't curse." I said hoping she understood what i was telling her. "Well i think you're the most sophisticated person i know and you curse" she said as she looked up at me with admiration in her eyes. "Tammy do you even know what sophisticated means?" i asked her as i laughed. "Yeah i know what it means Kay i'm not a baby!" she said as she pouted. "Okay good" I said as i grabbed her jacket so we could leave. We walked down the hallway in silence then Tammy looked up at me and said "Kay what does sophisticated mean?" I laughed so hard because i knew she didn't know what it meant but the thing about Tammy is she hates being wrong and she's so cocky that she'll almost never admit to not knowing something. "You've got a whole lifetime to figure out what what it means T. Don't grow up on me too fast" i said as i held her hand. "So what's the surprise Kay? Is mama really gonna let us come back?" "What do you mean us? She didn't kick you out, just me." "Yeah but if you leave then i'm leaving. I love mommy but i'd rather be with you. She always yells at me, she's never home, and when she is home she doesn't like to play with me. She always call me retarded too." "Tammy you're not retarded. Don't listen to mama okay? She's just not in her right mind sometimes, she doesn't mean it. She's just going through some things right now but it'll get better. Besides, how can you be retarded when you're the smartest one in your class? I seen your picture on the board in the classroom. Valedictorian already and you're only in the third grade. By the time you're my age you'll be drowning in scholarship money and college offers." I said with pride. "Well if im so smart then how come the kids in my class make fun of me?" "What do they say?" "They call me a crack baby and talk about mama. Kay what's a crack baby?" she asked. My heart sank as i thought of a way to explain it to her. I mean, how do you explain to a nine year old that she's a crack baby? I could lie and tell her she's not but I never lie to her no matter how ugly the truth is. I don't sugar coat anything or try to baby her too much because i want her to be prepared for the real world. Plus i want her to know that she can always trust me. We're all we got in this world so if we don't have trust we don't have anything besides, i'd rather her hear it come from my mouth instead of those snotty nose ass kids. At least i can explain it to her. "Tammy look at me" i said as i stopped walking and knelt down to her. "Technically you are a crack baby because mama did some bad things while she was pregnant with you." "Bad things like what?" she asked as tears started to form in her eyes. "Like drugs Tammy. Being a crack baby just means that mommy was using crack while you were in her stomach, that's all. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you or that it's your fault. You wanna know what I think?" "What?" "I think that the drugs made you smarter and stronger and prettier than all those other little dirty ass kids in your class and that's why they make fun of you. They're just mad that they're not crack babies and super smart like you and me." i said as i smiled at her. "You were a crack baby too?" She asked as she wiped her tears. "You damn right i was and look at me. Does it look like there's anything wrong with me? I think i look pretty damn good to be a crack baby" i said as i flipped my hair and did a fake model walk to make her laugh. "You iight i guess but you aint got nothing on me" Tammy said as she imitated my model walk. I smiled as i watched her. She looked like a little mini me. "Kay do you think any of the other kids in my class are crack babies too?" "All those lil fuckers are from the west side and i know half of their mamas so im pretty sure they are but either way we're the originals. They can't sit with us." "Yeah you're right!" Tammy said as she flipped her hair full of braids and beads. Leave it up to us to joke around and take pride in being crack babies but at least it made her feel better. So what if we're crack babies we can't help that and i always want her to know to never be ashamed of it. It's not about what you are or where you come from, all that matters is where you're going and as long as i have breath in my body i'll make sure we go far away from here.