No Love In The Game, No Trust In The Game!

Chapter 5

"Karmen girl where are you? You were supposed to be here over an hour ago? There's so many ballers in here tonight bitch you missing out plus Max has been looking for you!  Don't tell me you got scared." Mellisa said through the phone. "Mellisa I can't talk right now it's too much going on, Rachel was just shot outside of the Walgreens down the street" I cried. "Omg are you serious? Is she okay?" Mellissa asked. "No, she didn't make it." "Oh god. This is so fucked up. Are you okay? Do you need somebody to talk to? I can leave work and come be with you. I know that was your bestfriend I'm so sorry Kay." She cried. "No it's okay, I think I just need to be by myself right now. Can you do me a favor though?" "Of course girl anything you need, I got you." "Can you tell Max what happened so he won't think I just didn't show up for no reason. I still really need that job I just need some time that's all." I said. "Yeah I'll tell him. Don't worry about it girl take all the time you need. Do the police know who did it?" She asked. "No. But I have an idea. I gotta go, I'll talk to you later." I said as I hung the phone up. "I'll be right back" I said to Rachel's mother who was was sitting on the couch rocking Kayla back and fourth. Tammy was laying next to her asleep with dried tears all over her face. I kissed Tammy on the forehead and gave Jackie a hug before heading towards the door. "Where you going?" Kevin asked. "I'm just going for a walk I need some air." I said. "Iight I'll go with you."
"No thanks, I just wanna be alone right now."
"Look Kay the block is hot right now. It ain't really safe for you to be walking around this late by yourself." He said while standing in front of the door way.
"Kevin last time I checked I was grown, now move!" I said with an attitude.
"Iight man do whatever you want it ain't like I care." He said as he moved out of the way.
I walked around the block a couple of times trying to get my head right wondering if what I was about to do was the right thing. My emotions were all over the place but what I felt the most was anger. Rachel didn't deserve to die. She was the sweetest person I knew. Everybody loved her so whoever did this had to have a motive and I knew what it was....To get revenge on Mark. While the police were outside of Rachel's house investigating and asking anyone if they knew anything there were a bunch of dudes standing on the corner talking. You know once something happens in the hood everybody gotta come out of their house being nosey gossiping. I over heard one of them say that they think Ronnie put a hit out on Rachel to get to Mark. See Ronnie was from a different hood and him and Mark had beef since forever. Word around town was Mark was responsible for Ronnie's sister getting shot in a drive by a couple of weeks ago. I guess this was his way of getting pay back. He pulled the trigger on the wrong girl though and now it was my turn to get revenge. I didn't know where Ronnie lived but I did know where Mark stayed. The way I see it is it's Mark's fault that Rachel is gone too. If he would've never killed that girl then Rachel would still be here. I warned Rachel that Mark wasn't the type of guy to be with but she had a thing for hood niggas. Well now this hood nigga was gonna pay. I headed to my mom's house and it was no surprise that she wasn't there. I went to her room and looked through the closet searching for Richard's gun. I found it and put it in my bag. I walked down the street headed for Mark's house. I never imagined ever killing someone but you never know what you'll do when you're hurt. As I got closer to Mark's house I noticed the same red car from earlier pulling up beside me. It was Kevin. I looked straight at him and kept walking. "Karmen, get in the car!" he yelled as he rolled down his window. I acted as if i didn't hear him and kept walking. "Man get yo ass in the car Kay!" He yelled. "No" I said and continued to walk. "Man this girl really about to piss me off" Kevin said under his breath as he pulled over and got out of the car. He ran up to me and grabbed my arm. "Let me go Kevin!" I screamed. "Get yo ass in the car then, im not gone tell you again Kay!" "Why should I?" I said. "Because I know what you're about to do. I heard those niggas on the block talking too and i been following you. I saw you go to your house and get that gun and now you just so happen to be walking in the direction towards Mark's house. Look Kay, I know you hurt but you don't know what you doing right now. This shit is bigger than you." He said. "What do you mean I don't know what I'm doing? Mark is the reason my best friend is gone! My sister! Your fuckin sister!  Her blood is on his hands and you just not gonna do nothing about it?! That's not the Kevin I remember. The kevin I remember would kill a nigga just for looking at him wrong. He was a real hitta, not this punk ass new and improved version. You moved down south and came back completely changed. What's the matter Kev? You forgot where you came from? What you used to be? Or are you just some scared little bitch now?" I said knowing what i was saying was pissing him off but i didn't care. "Man look, get in the car. You don't know what you're talking about! Just let me handle it iight?" "No Kevin I'm gonna handle it!" I said. "No you're not man I said I'm gonna handle it!" He said raising his voice. "Why can't I do it?!" I screamed. "BECAUSE I'M THE FUCKING ONE WHO GOT HER KILLED IIGHT?! THERE! YOU HAPPY NOW? THAT'S WHAT YOU WANNA HEAR? IT WAS MY FAULT MAN. IT WAS ALL MY FUCKIN FAULT KAY." He yelled as he broke down into my arms. I was lost for words so i just stood there and held him as he cried. "It's all my fuckin fault. They took my sister man and that's on me. I gotta live with this shit for the rest of my life. I gotta watch my mama cry every night over some shit that I caused." He said as he cried uncontrollably. I was so confused. I had never seen Kevin show any emotion let alone cry like this. I could tell he was really hurt. "Kevin what do you mean it's your fault? How? You literally just came back into town." I said. "Remember the whole reason I had to leave?" He asked. "No, not really." I said. I knew the reason because after he left the whole hood was gossiping about it but i wanted to hear it from him, the truth. "After my pops got killed I spent every second of the day trying to get to the bottom of who killed him. I found out it was some nigga named Reggie from the west side. I went over there and fuckin spazzed on that nigga and killed his whole fuckin family down to the dog. After that shit got hot and the police started questioning everybody so that's why I left. I didn't leave not one witness, I killed everybody in that fuckin house so i never even thought that his people would retaliate cause they didn't know who did it, that's why i came back cause i thought shit was over with by now." he said. "Well why wasn't it over with? If you didn't leave any witnesses how did they know it was you." I asked. "My guy Rodney called me earlier and said that apparently Reggie had a little brother who wasn't home that night. He saw me leaving out of the house and recognized me. When word got out that I was back in Chicago them niggas started keeping tabs on me. You know my mama moved so many times over the past couple of years so I figured they didn't know the new address. I guess I was wrong cause they caught Rachel coming out of the store. They must've followed her there and waited until she came out. This shit got me sick because this is the very thing I tried my best to stop from happening. I just needed a little more time to find out who Reggie's little brother is so i could clap that nigga and not have to worry anymore. I been watching my mom and Rachel's every move like a hawk. Not letting them go certain places or if they did go somewhere i would follow them just to make sure they was good." he said as he wiped his tears with his shirt. "Wait a minute. Was that you following me earlier? Is that why you were following me?" I asked even more confused than before. "Yea that was me. That's not why i was following you though. I doubt them niggas are even thinking about you. They got what they wanted which is my family. They killed my pops and Ray and now i gotta get my mama outta town before they try to come after her." he said. "Jackie's not gonna wanna move Kevin. This is her home, you know how she is. She didn't leave after they killed your dad and she's not gonna leave now. She thinks if she leaves then she'll be giving them power over her, scaring her away. I can hear her now saying "Don't nobody run me but the Lord Jesus. He told me that the weapons would form but he didn't say that they would prosper. Amen." I said mocking her voice. It made Kevin laugh a little and I was happy to see him smiling for once. "Look, we can worry about that later but in the mean time we should get going. The block is hot wit cops and im dirty right now." he said lifting up his shirt and showing me the gun tucked on his waist. "I'm dirty too remember?" I said opening up my purse revealing Richard's gun. "Oh yea thanks for reminding me now give it here." He said with a stern voice. "Why? I need protection too. Whose to say that the same thing that happened to Rachel won't happen to me? A bullet don't have no name on it" I said. "Because I wont let that happen Karmen. I'm all the protection you need iight? You the closet thing to a sister I got left and hell will freeze over before I let them take you too." He said with sincerity in his eyes. I immediately felt butterfly's in my stomach and a lump in my throat. I didn't know why it made me feel so emotional. Maybe it was because I never had a father or any man willing to protect me like that. I'm usually the protector. For as long as I can remember it's always just been me, mama, and Tammy. I've always been the glue that kept us together. I always made sure we were safe and okay. Even as a child when Richard would come home high and drunk and go upside mama's head over something stupid like why the tv was up so loud, I would run and get a bat and try to fight him off. I even pulled out his gun on him before when he broke mama's nose and wouldn't stop hitting her even after she lost consciousness. He didn't know that I knew where he hid it at but after that day he never hit her again. Well at least not in front of me. "Kay you iight? You just spaced out for a second. You good?" Kevin said interrupting my thoughts. "Yea im fine. Just have a lot on my mind, it's been a long day." "What were you just thinking about?" he asked. "Did you really mean what you just said? About protecting me?" I asked knowing that even if he told me a hundred times I probably still wouldn't believe him because I have trust issues when it comes to men. Part of me felt like even though I knew that I wouldn't believe him, I still wanted to hear it. Whatever this feeling was that I was feeling I didn't want it to stop. "Yea I meant it. You trust me right?" he asked looking me dead in the eyes. I've never been looked at like that before. He looked like he was staring into the windows of my soul. I felt my knees getting weak and the butterfly's in my stomach were coming back. It was that feeling again but this time even stronger. I didn't know how to handle it so I just changed the subject. Besides, I didn't think he wanted to know the answer to that question anyway. He'll soon find out that I don't trust anyone. "That's kind of weird though don't you think?" I asked him as we walked back to his car. "What is?" "You said that I'm the only sister you have left and that's why you'll protect me. Since when did we become siblings?" I teased. "Oh you got jokes huh?" he said laughing. "I said you're the closet thing to a sister. Not that you were my sister. I know how close you and Ray were. She looked at you like family and so does my mom. Besides, we grew up together so it's only right." he said as we pulled off.  "Yeah I feel you but you still haven't answered my question. If you didn't think I was in danger then why were you following me earlier?" I asked. "Does it really matter?" He asked trying to avoid eye contact with me. "Yes it really matters creep." I said as I grabbed his face and turned him so he would be facing me. I wanted him to look me in my eyes again. It was something about those eyes that had me hooked. He turned his head back to the direction of the road. "What's wrong Kevin? You can't drive and look at me at the same time?" I said as I teased him. "I can do a lot of things and drive at the same time" He said as he stared into my eyes. "Like what? Get head and drive?" "What yo lil ass know about head?" he asked as he licked his lips and almost made me melt into my seat. "I know i get more of it than a hat." I said with confidence as we both busted out laughing. "Yo ass crazy man, I still can't believe you all grown up. It seems like just yesterday you was running up and down the street with that lil ponytail sitting on the top of yo head with all the barrettes and beads." he laughed. "Now look at you." he said as he stared at me again licking his lips. "You want some chap stick LL Cool J? Cause you sure love licking yo lips like you cute or something." I said trying to hide the fact that I was exploding inside. "Man fuck you" he said as he laughed. "Are you gonna tell me why you were following me now? Stop trying to change the subject Kevin." I re positioned myself in my seat so that i was facing him. I wanted to look at him while he was driving. I could look at him all day long. "iight man, I was on my way to drop something off to somebody when I saw you getting off the bus. To be honest I didn't even know it was you at first because I saw you from behind. It wasn't until you turned around and looked towards the car that I noticed you. Once I recognized you I drove off. You satisfied now?" He asked. "No. That still doesn't explain why you were even following me in the first  place. You just follow random girls getting off of the bus? You always did kind of look like a stalker to me." I joked. "Yea iight, you just think you Kevin Hart today huh? You full of jokes." He smiled. "and no I don't just follow random girls, only when i'm trying to holla at them. Like I said, I saw you from behind so i was about to try to shoot my shot until I noticed that it was you." My heart damn near jumped out of my chest. I had the biggest crush  on Kevin as a kid but because of our age different he never looked at me as anything more than his little sister's friend. When I would spend the night at Rachel's house I would have to watch him bring home girl after girl and it made me sick. I would go to sleep and secretly dream about me being his girl and not those random thots he would entertain. After he moved my crush on him slowly faded away until I eventually got over it. I guess I wasn't so over it though because all of those old feelings were coming back full force. "So why did you stop once you noticed it was me?" I asked intrigued. "Because why would I try to shoot my shot with you Kay? Like I said you're like a little sister to me, we're like family." he said as his words shot down my dreams like a sniper. "Well nigga we just gonna have to be kissing cousins around this bitch. Say yes to INCEST!" I thought to myself. I stayed quiet though. I didn't want him to see that his words affected me so i just played it cool and stared out of the window wishing that some way, some how circumstances could be different and we could be together. Little did I know he was silently wishing the same thing....