me more than you

part 35

Death is hard.
As a writer I've always been able to write about death that's not my own.
A death I've never experienced.
But now.
Now I find myself experiencing death first hand and I can't write it down.
I can't describe or depict the feeling I felt seeing her lying there.
The way my heart sank when my Grandpa saw her, and cried out of how beautiful she looked.
I can't bring out the feeling at that funeral after they put her in that hurst.
Or the look on everyone's faces when they lowered her into the ground.
I can depict what happened but I can't get the feeling.
Its so indescribable.
It lingers with you.
Its still here.
That sadness.
But why?
I'll see her again.
She's Christian.
Why am I so sad?
Maybe that's why I can't write it.
Cause I don't even understand it myself.