me more than you

part 40

I've found that for a long time loosing someone is never not hard.
Little things remind you of the person.
New little pains after every memory.
And sometimes you just miss them.
The feeling they gave.
The feeling they gave you.
Then you try to fill the void with other things.
Anything.
Just something that will fill the hole in your heart from where their love used to be.
The sorry for your losses don't work,
They don't fix anything.
They don't even give me a touch of relief.
I just want to be free.
Free from being on the edge of crying at any moment.
Free from worrying about what they'll do.
What will happen to anyone,
And everyone around me.
Free from the inevitability that anyone and everyone in my life could pass away at any time.
It kills me.
Continually stabs my heart over and over.
As if life is taking a knife,
Piercing my heart.
Pulling the knife out slowly,
Then doing it again.
And again.
And again.
And again