Permafrost Envy (yaoi boy x boy )

Chapter Two

I wake up with a sharp pain in my chest, my breathing unstable as my throat ached. It must be that day again... I thought.

I look at the calendar and I sigh with sadness. 'I was correct... it's been three years...' once a year, on this day I get the same dream. It scares me and makes me re-live my horrid memories. 'Vin-...' I refuse to finish his name just after what I dreamt. Wiping the drying tears that were on my face during sleep. I took the covers off of my legs, making sure that one side of my bed was neat as that used to be the side my fiancé slept on. I never got an engagement ring off him, he never had the time to. I cut that time short.

I haven't properly groomed myself in a week, preparing my body mentally for when the nightmare came up again. Still, I had the nightmare twice and I still wake up shaking. I got up from my bed with wobbly legs and I weakly made my frail body walk to the bathroom where I didn't bother to lock the door. I started the bath and looked at myself in the mirror, stubble appearing on my face, bags under my eyes, hair that felt like the texture of straw. I was a complete wreck. I looked back at the bath and saw that it was nearly full. I stopped the water and stripped, observing the bruises and scars that appeared on my body over time. Some old, some new. 'Ugly...' I mumbled, getting into the bath and sinking the majority of my body into the semi hot water. Laying in the water, I remember Vincent coming in, asking if I was okay and what my mother had done to me. I remember lifting my hand up reassuring that she only hit me once. That was a lie because one of the wounds my mother caused started bleeding, turning the water a slight red and he cared for it, and he helped me.

I remember his delicate hands reassuring me when I cried, when I thought everything had become a huge nothing. And now he isn't here and I feel like that once more...

I sink into the bath, keeping my eyes open as I watch the roof become wavy, my vision blurry too. I loosely hold my breath, letting the air that was captured in my mouth turn into bubbles of carbon dioxide floating to the surface. I feel the bottom of the bath making my prominent bones ache and my vision starts to fade quickly. I feel my lungs start to beg for air as I close my eyes and all the sudden, as if I was expecting it, my body was lifted up by someone, when I opened my eyes, about to say Vincent. I freeze and cough seeing that it was my mother.

'How many times are you going to do this? Today is an important day and here you are trying to drown yourself again. If you were to die it would be with money.' My mother slapped my face and I just closed my eyes, hearing the sound of pain echo throughout the bathroom. She reached for the plug, pulling it out. 'You're getting a haircut soon. Get dressed and put some cologne on, you reek of dead rats.' And with that my mother left. 'Swine...' I mumbled those words as I rubbed my cheek and I stood up, getting a towel and wrapping it around my waist.

'That's right...' I mumbled, gathering what clothes I needed. 'I have to meet my childhood friend after such a long time... I wish I was told more details about why she is arriving here. We have a horrible home. She has money so why doesn't she invite me...' my voice trailed off as I dried myself.

I walked into the lounge fully clothed, my semi-long hair messed and curled slightly, still almost dripping wet. I didn't bother to fix my clothes and my mother walked up to me, sighing. 'Hopeless. You still look like a mess. At least you smell better.' She spat as she spoke and I noticed her teeth were starting to rot. That is what happens when you chain smoke.

Vincent smelt like smoke too, he used to smoke but not as much as my mother does. Whenever we would kiss the aftertaste was a sweet yet bitter taste. I eventually got used to it and wanted to kiss him more. Strange what love can do to you... my thoughts linger about Vincent as the day moves on and eventually the time was closing and soon I had to see my childhood friend. I was a little excited but the nightmare I had left me in a foul mood. It's hard to pretend anymore so I'm not sure I can convince her I am well and happy. I was sent to the hairdressers and they fixed up my hair, a lot shorter than before and the sides were shaved with a size 3 clipper so there was at least some hair left. The stubble on my chin was shaved as well. Vincent said he always liked me better with longer hair...