Permafrost Envy (yaoi boy x boy )

Chapter Four

I wake up, my whole body numb. Only hurting whenever I moved. Looking down I see dried up blood, turned a dark red. Blood had already dried in my hair as I realized it must have been from my mother causing wounds. I weakly sat up, my whole body now aching. "This is worse than before" I thought this, as I wiped off tears that I must have cried during my sleep. I look down at my wounds, they have been terribly patched up. I don't want to speak. I don't want to do anything. But I know if I do that, she will hurt me. The demon that I am forced to call a mother.

I look to the left of me and I see folded paper, and the whip I was beaten with. Scared and afraid to see the sight of blood on it, the sight of skin on the end, knowing that it came from my body, I let out a terrified scream, traumatized yet again by events that happen to me. My whole body starts to shake as I nervously pick up the paper, reading it, with a confused and scared mind, it is a speech, a wedding speech in my mother's handwriting. At the bottom is says. 'Learn this, or face the consequences, stupid boy.' I start to cry, my crying turning into screams as my body ached. I dropped back down onto my own dried blood, screaming out Vincent's name. 'VINCENT! I WANT TO DIE! PLEASE I WANT TO SEE YOU!' I said this, I wanted to end my pain. My suffering, but I knew I couldn't because I know Vincent would be disappointed. He made me keep my life, in exchange for his. Why would I waste the life he gave me...?

After a while, I felt my emotions leave me, it was as sudden as they appeared. Staring blankly down at my legs which had old marks on them, I sighed, weakly standing up, and grabbing the note. I left the whip and didn't bother cleaning my skin or changing my clothes. I sat in my room and read the note that was left for me, over and over and over again. I can't recall how many times I have read it, I lost count after 165.

Mumbling the words that I memorized, my mother must have come in at some point because I was being called stupid and dirty as I was shoved into a lukewarm bathtub, clothes and all. 'If you weren't so useless, maybe you could have taken your clothes off. Now you'll have to clean and dry them.' I looked up at her, my vision blurry as my wounds stung. My face blank. 'I already clean them. You go see men whilst I'm busy with the house.' Her hand made a bang as it hit the edge of the bathtub, my body automatically reacting with a jolt as I stare at it. 'Shut up! You don't deserve to speak, you wound infested dog! Mutt! The only thing you're good at is being miserable, you gay animal!' I closed my eyes, my heart feeling as if it stopped beating, it felt so heavy, so dark. I couldn't utter a word after what she said. I just kept my eyes closed as I heard her shoes step off the tiled floor, and onto the carpet. Silence followed quickly after.

Time passed and the bath became cold. When I opened my eyes, the water was stained with the color of my blood, only much more diluted. 'Blood.' I sniffed the air, the smell making me feel sick. 'Have to read it again.' I mumbled, standing up weakly, just managing to get out of the bath tub. The wounds that were patched had started bleeding slightly again, the patches soaked in the water i was in.  

I looked at my clothes as I weakly stripped, my clothes ruined by the water and by blood. The whip tore through my clothing. "She must be stronger than before. It's a shame to see that she isn't dying anymore. I used to watch her cough, spit out blood. But now she's better? Well that's not fair." I thought this as I dried myself. The towel covered in blood. 'I will be scolded by this later. Maybe with more whips to the back.' He dropped the towel and patched up his wounds with no care at all. Messy, loose bandages hung off his limbs like curtains that have been stained with blood from an axe to the face. Splattered crimson red.

I let out a slight laugh, my body starting to feel numb again. 'Vincent.' I mumbled under my breath. 'I'm going insane, this must be the feeling of insanity. I want to say I'm afraid, but I don't feel it right now... why don't you speak to me anymore? Don't you love me?' he continued to speak to himself, faintly hearing his head grind. 'I would kill her but I'm weak. I can't do it. It would remind me of the day when I killed you. When you saved me.' His words were long, slow as he spoke. He dressed himself in clothes that were already dirty. The ones he wore when he took the thorns off of the roses. He walked into the lounge and continued to mumble the words he was forced to learn. Life drained from his eyes. Mother was sitting on a small chair at the table. 'The wedding will happen two days from now. She has to go on with it, after all, it was you, a man who requested for her to be wed, and her who said yes in the first place... isn't that right?' mother spoke, sipping a cup of tea, the cup still slightly dirty as I saw it had a speck of dirt floating on the top. 'Catherine, I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife. Before these witnesses I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both shall live...' I mumbled the whole speech, it took me a while and I didn't stutter once. 'Something you're finally good at. Now hurry up and clean the floors, your blood will stain the planks.' I nodded once, feeling slightly satisfied as that was the nicest thing mother has said to me in a long time.

Gathering a bucket full of warm soapy water and a rag, I scrubbed the floor. It wasn't working that much as I tried my hardest, my wounds opening up and bleeding slightly again. If I lose any more blood I'll die for sure. I can't die for Vincent. So I have to fix myself properly. Tightening my bandages, it managed to slow down the bleeding. And when the floor was almost cleaned, I was still extremely weak and unstable so I rested my head on the damp floorboards and eventually fell asleep.

'Sweetie! Oliver! Are you okay?' I looked up to see my mother's face, a worried expression as she helped little me who was crying on the ground from falling over. 'I told you not to run near the trees Oli, you are such a klutz! Come on..." she picked me up and held me in her warm arms as I cried into her shoulder, dirt all over my clothes, but my mother didn't care. She shushed me and cooed gently. Making sure my snot nosed breathing calmed down before she walked inside and patched up the scrape that was on my knee. My father walked towards me and wiped the tears that were down my face. 'Come on sport, no crying now okay? You have to be big and strong so you can be someone someday, like me!' I nodded and smiled happily. 'Yes father! I will be like you when I grow up!'

Waking up as if I had forgotten the dream, my face blank, tears didn't escape my eyes this time. 'Oli...' I mumbled my old nickname as I sat up. Bending down on all fours, I cleaned the rest of the floor.

Once I was finished, I poured the reddened water in the bucket down the drain. As if all I could do was obey, I cleaned the bucket and placed it in the corner of the room, not uttering a word.

I heard the door rattle and creak. opening the door, my mother walked in, my body frozen and unable to speak as I stared, looking at her enter the room I was in. 'you're taking an awfully long time. You do know this yes? An hour.' I nodded and she sighed gently. 'Well, never mind that. Catherine is staying for two nights, and the wedding will take place in two days. I want the dishes and the tables wiped down. If anything else needs to be done, do it.' I nodded again, not speaking as I looked down, walking out of the room as I felt my mother's glare burn into my skin. What if she sees my wounds? Will she hate me? Will she run away? I hope so...

I wanted to know why she was staying... why she dare come back after my outburst. I couldn't think for long as I knew I had to finish what I was asked to do.