JUNG's POV
Finally, I am home now. I spent the last three years of my life re-learning who I really am. I lived in different countries in Europe. Every place I went was beautiful and unique. I enrolled in different classes and applied for part time jobs so I could interact with people. I made a couple of friends, but because I was moving from places to places, I did not have long-term friends. I, however, believe that I fulfilled the purpose of my trip. Observing how people live made me conscious of how they feel. I can say I'm more considerate, friendly and genuine now. I've been better than I was before. And I want to see the person who made me who I am now. Seol.
I miss her so much. Looking back, if she requested me to stay, I would have. I was even hoping until the very last minute at the airport that she would come and tell me to stay. But now I am thankful that she did not. She's the only person who understands me. She even understands me more than I understood myself. I tried my best to disconnect from my life in Korea when I was in Europe. I was barely hanging on to just stay where I was before I am ready to come back. I am ready now. I am ready to face Seol and give my all to her. I think now I can protect her in ways I couldn't do before.
After settling things with my father regarding Seol and the company, I am now ready to face her. I read her e-mail when I came last Tuesday. Reading her emails and knowing that she still loves me and is waiting for me made me happy and sad at the same time. I will surely make up for the lost time as much as I can. I immediately composed a reply though sent it an hour after as I really did not know what to say. Then I settled for: "Hi, Seol. I want to see you." I anticipated for a reply, but it never came.
It's Friday. I learned that she's now employed at a big firm in Seoul. She has moved to a new place in Seoul too, a better one compared to her first apartment, but still comes home to her parents' at least once or twice a week. It's already eight and I'm hoping she'll be coming home to her apartment tonight. I waited inside the car for 2 hours already, but she's still has not come. I can't complain though, she's waited for me for three years.
It's already ten and I am tempted to just call her. But what will I say? Perhaps she went to her parents' home. It's Friday after all. Just as I was about to start my engine and head home, another car stopped by Seol's apartment. A smiling man came out to open the passenger door. A woman then came into view. She smiled to the man and waved goodbye.
She was Seol. My Hong Seol.
She was with another man and she was happy. A tear of anger and jealousy fell down my cheek. Am I too late?
I can't be angry nor jealous though. I have no right. I broke up with her 3 years ago, and never contacted her after that even when she flooded me with e-mails. She deserves to be happy even if it's not with me.
I waited for another three hours before I headed home. I was tempted to just knock every door on that building to find her and beg for her, but I can't do that. I can't ruin her life again.
At home, I just stare at my ceiling til the morning. My heart crushing in pain inside my chest. Can I really let her go? How can I wake up every morning knowing that she's not with me? I was only able to endure those three years apart from her because of the thought that after passing all those hardships, she is at the finish line waiting for me. No, I won't let her go without putting up a fight. Not without hearing straight from her that she no longer loves me.
I got up and opened my laptop, and saw our picture together as my desktop photo. I opened my email and still no reply from her. I clicked the reply button again.
I miss you, Seol. I love you.
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