Country Lovin' {BoyxBoy}

{13} Let Me Explain

Chapter Thirteen - Let Me Explain

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We were at the park again, waiting for my mom to arrive so she could say goodbye. I wasn't as nervous about this encounter because I knew she wouldn't try to take Bailey or Braxton. In a way, I felt like she was finally going to start trying to be in our lives. But maybe my calm attitude was sparked by the pain meds I took to calm my throbbing head.

She was different than she had been before she left. She reminded me of how she used to be before Bailey was born, but I still didn't trust her.

She hugged and kissed Bailey and Brax when she got there, kissing my forehead even though she knew I didn't want her to.

She whispered something to my dad and he looked at me before nodding and going to the play ground with Brax and Bailey.

I gave her a confused look before she started talking, "I want to explain a few things before a leave again."

She sighed, "I know leaving you was the worst thing I could do to our family, but I was going through some things and your father couldn't help me, so I did what I thought was best and I ran. You won't understand what I was going through, and I don't expect you to, just know that after I had Bailey I had postpartum depression and it got worse when I found out my own baby couldn't hear me. I thought I was getting better until I found out I was pregnant with Brax and I got worse again. When I finally had Brax, I bolted, feeling the only way I could truly be happy was to leave."

I looked at her, a little happy that she was explaining herself to me, but wondering why she waited so long to do it.

"In those years, I thought I had fixed my self and that's when I'd show back up, because I thought I was ready to be a mom again. But then I realized how much I had missed then I'd spiral back into the awful depression."

"Why are you telling me all this?" I asked.

"Because, I'm ready to be in you're lives, Blaine. I've been absent too long. I've been seeing a therapist, something I should have done long ago, and I'm getting better. Don't worry about me trying to take Brax and Bailey away, all I want is reasonable visiting, which your dad has agreed to."

I kept all my rude remarks about how you don't get to chose when to be a mom and was silent and she spoke up again, "I know it might take you a while to get used to this. I know I was an awful mother for most of your childhood, but I don't want to be that way to Brax and Bailey."

I let all of that sink in before I said, "Okay, but your not getting back together with dad. You broke his heart once, there's no way in hell I'm going to let you do it again." I said.

My mom nodded, "Don't worry about that. I'm just here to be a part of you and your siblings lives."

"It's about time," I mumble, "But it's a little too late for me." I add.

My mom looks a little sad but she covers it up with a small smile, my dad comes back then, sensing the end of our conversation.

We all talk for a while, well, they talk, I listen. Then summer is mentioned, "We are already half way through summer, are you going to finish school here or are you working on moving back to New York?" Mother looks at me.