#131-140

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#131) TV remotes should be called Waldo (for obvious reasons)

#132) Sit-ups are the best kind of exercise because you get to lay down every few seconds

#133) Pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell

#134) The internet: the only place where you get excited when strangers follow you

#135) Here's a fun prank: put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me

#136) Men are like bank accounts without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest

#137) If my phone was so smart it wouldn't die so much

#138) Auto correct can go to he'll

#139) Conversation killers: lol, idk, yeah, nm, k

#140) I'm like an iPhone I just lose energy without doing anything

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