This book here are chapters of things that many of us girls look for in a serious, romantic relationship with a great guy who only gives us great, positive qualities in both himself and in the relationship. Having an idea of what you look for in a p...
It seems like people are always looking for love, but single life can be pretty great. You're independent, you don't have to compromise, and you get used to doing things 100% your way. Of course, when you finally meet the right person, this can make it difficult to adjust to being in a relationship. Difficult, but not impossible.
After living on my own for nearly my entire adult life, shacking up with my now-fiancé was challenging. I was used to doing whatever I wanted, which often involved walking around slathered in zit cream and raggedy, oversized pajamas. "You can still do those things," he'd say, but I didn't want to do those things in front of anyone else. I wanted to do them alone. There were quirks on his end, too. I'd want to hear about the mundane details of his day, which he wouldn't even think to bring up in conversation. "Sorry," he'd say. "I guess I'm not used to talking to someone about my day."
It was easy enough to get on the same page with small things like this. But there are more complicated issues that arise, and those take a little more work to transition from single to being in a relationship.
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Start With "The Talk"
Sometimes two people can get along swimmingly, but they have very different ideas of what being in a relationship means. Hell, if you've been on your own for forever, you might not even know what your own relationship expectations are.
Maybe your new partner wants to talk on the phone every day, and you've never been a phone talker. Maybe they think being in a relationship means you hang out every single weekend (or every day!), and you're used to spending Sundays alone.
There comes a time when you'll want to lay these expectations out, commonly known as "The Talk." Most people think of this as defining the relationship: are we dating? Are we exclusive? Where is this going long-term? That's great, but you also want to get specific about what you both want from the relationship, and what you'll both bring to the relationship. Specifics like:
How often you'll see each other and communicate Issues that might bring on jealously (are you still friends with an ex? You should probably let them know) Your expectations for the future Just being aware of these expectations can make the transition a lot easier.
Create Boundaries for Sharing Time and Space
Even though I love spending time with my fiancé, I also love spending time alone. Brian is the same way, so when we started getting serious, it was easy enough to agree that we'd both allow each other our "alone time."
But everyone has a busy schedule, and things don't always work out so perfectly. For example, I love being alone in the mornings so I can get my work done in peace. He loves to have coffee and chat before he leaves for work. For a long time, I felt like I couldn't get anything done living with someone, and he felt I was a workaholic who ignored him. This is why setting boundaries is important. I simply agreed to get up earlier, so I could have my time and space in the morning, and then I allocated 20 minutes or so to having coffee with him before work.
