Poems by Me

"What the f*** is wrong with you?!"

You know you've become a failure no matter how hard you try when your mother screams at you for thirty minutes and she is red in the face, or when your father yells "What the f*** is wrong with you?!" all because of the grade on your last math test. You did well on the practice test, you did well on the website full of similar problems, but your grade still hits the ground hard like a comet to the earth.

You try, you try again, you make up work, and you keep trying, but nothing works. You've never been good in that class, but that doesn't matter. All that matters is that your grades look like the first two letters of the alphabet because it looks good on resumes and applications and all that. 

I have always understood that as a student, grades are important, but I am human, and an odd one at that. I forget a lot of things most of the time, and I am easily frustrated as well as give up easily when things get tough. As you can imagine, this causes problems sometimes. I always try my hardest, but I try to do it alone. I get frustrated, but try again at a later time. 

This isn't the first time they had scolded and yelled at me about this grade, but the first time that those words had left my father's mouth and the first time I had seen my mother so terrifyingly angry at me. 

It's times like this I wish I had a different life in a different world. A world where no one cares about grades or where the school system didn't want to make you hurt yourself or end it all. A world where you could learn things in your own time, no consequences, and still get great credentials and diplomas and all of that sort. A world where grades weren't more important than mental health or well being...

I wish a lot of things, but at this point I'm just a dreamer in a messed up place...