Why?
Why?
Why?
Why must have I pushed away the only thing that made me feel better?
Why did I let you get that close?
You took my first kiss. I took yours. Or from what I can remember. And yet. I still crave more. I crave more of your attention. I crave more of your love. My aching fingers hang over the keyboard of our messages trying to type a "hello" or "goodbye". I want to scream when I see you in the hallway. I want to tear at my flesh and teach myself a lesson.
Why did I let you go?
I needed to escape. I needed to feel a warmth of the comfort that brought to me when my brain wasn't so clustered. When I was numb and I didn't have you clawing at my back for attention. I needed to leave my thoughts behind. I need to leave you behind.
Why can't I?
Why must I be such a failure at my actions?
You were a huge part of me. You had sown yourself oh so complicated to me that I couldn't find my way out. I couldn't untie the ropes without hurting you. I mean, who can?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that every night is a night closer to me giving up. To me slipping out of the world's grasp into an infinite slumber. The words that plagued my mind for so long finally slipping away into a darkness that they cannot be rescued from.
Her.
She was my sleep.
She was my escape.
And I let her go.
