All My Soul

Stories

All my life I've loved stories
I've loved reading about heroes and heroines
Who made their own destinies
Who forged their own paths
Because stories have always been my escape
My freedom from the judgements of those who I knew would always be in my life

And in stories there are always these things that get stuck in the fibres of your soul
The ones that make you want to live better
To live more richly
To suck all the marrow out of life
They made you want to change the world
The stories that make you want to be more than you ever dreamed

I've always been stuck
Never strong enough
Never quite smart enough
Never quite pretty enough
Not quite the best musician
Almost but not really the best with words
But those stories
They made me feel like I could fly

I was gonna be belle someday
I was gonna save the beast
I was gonna fall in love
I was gonna be loved
I was gonna be strong enough

I was gonna be Hermione
I was gonna find two best friends
I was gonna save the day
I was gonna be the reliable one
I was gonna be smart enough

I was gonna be Cinderella
I was gonna have a fairy godmother
I was gonna go to the ball
I was gonna capture the heart of a prince
I was gonna be pretty enough

I was gonna be Christine
I was gonna learn to sing
I was gonna have people tell me I was good
I was gonna find love eventually
I was gonna sound lovely enough to satisfy my critics

I was gonna be Anne Shirley
I was gonna be headstrong
I was gonna find my calling in life
I was gonna write my heart out
I was gonna have enough words to satisfy my aching soul

Those stories were always there for me
Through every anxiety attack
Through every mental breakdown
Through every fit
Every moment that I hated myself
I could escape
I could fly

Unfortunately, reality always crashes back in
I finished the book
The movie ended
I sat for a moment and I felt full
And then it all began to drain
And I was left with an emptiness that nothing would fill

My younger brother crashes back into my room
He's back to finish the fight from earlier
He tells me that I'm weak
That I'm not good enough
I'll never be belle

And my big brother yells from the room over
I've failed that math test
And I'm an idiot
I'll never be Hermione

My sister sends me a picture of myself
I had put it on social media not 2 hours previous
"You look ridiculous" she says
I was proud of that one
I'm not Cinderella

At church on Sunday
I'm singing the hymns
My brother elbows me and tells me to stop
"Your voice is a joke"
I couldn't be Christine

I've entered a poetry contest at school
My mum tells me that my poetry will get me nowhere in life
I might as well stop now
I'm not Anne Shirley

There were always these heart breaks
These stories left me feeling elated and depressed
Confident and confused
Hopefully filled with dread
Completely satisfied with a hole in the middle
And I've loved them

Because stories have always been my escape
From the time I was 7 years old
I've fled frequently to a world entirely in my head
It's always been the best thing
It's always filled my soul
So to those who think they don't need stories
I say, "how are you living?"

Good stories have kept me breathing
Have kept my eyes filled with wonder
My heart filled with goodness
And my mind filled with hope

Because a good story
Is an escape
A second home
And the most trusted friend
Anyone could have