The Side Character ☑

Chapter 20 - That's why I'm me.

I still remember the day as clear as a bright summer sky.

I came home running and crying with my carefully applied mascara running down my cheeks.

The lights were all out and the house looked haunting as my parents were both out. Shaking with sobs I rushed up to my room and locked myself in the bathroom.

I curled down in one corner with my knees in front of me and cried.

I cried because of my so-called-friends.

I cried because of my classmates.

I cried because of my situation.

I cried because of my body.

But mostly, I cried for myself because how pathetic I was.

Then slowly with shaking hands, I grabbed the sink and hoisted myself up.

Staring at my reflection, I didn't see the girl I'm now. I saw a weak, pathetic and red faced girl. I saw a disappointment. I saw a laughing stock. I saw a charity case.

I was stupid and a massive idiot back then. I thought that getting accepted by your piers was all that mattered in this world. But come on, be honest. Were any of us any different in that age?

With shaking hands, I swung open the cupboard and took out my grandmother's sleeping pills.

Maybe I was lucky or unlucky, depends on from which point of view you see it, for me that my grandmother was staying with us for the weekend too and she had stocked all of her medicines in my bathroom.

I felt numb. Absolutely numb as I stared at the pills in my hand.

I felt like I was already dead.

Then I took the first pill and swallowed.

Then another and another.

**************

"It was a miracle that I didn't die, really," I remove my hand from his cheek and attempt to joke grinning, "Apparently the old lady didn't realize that the reason those pills weren't working were because they were expired."

His eyes are darker than the pitch black night sky as he stares at me silently. His hand is no longer gripping mine warmly but just lay there stiffly. His other hand is clenched in a fist.

I know how I must look now.

Weak.

I sigh lightly and look upwards the sky, "You might think of me as this weak little coward right now, Ryder. And honestly? You won't be wrong. But if I'm being completely honest," I glanced at him, "I don't regret what I did that day."

In an instant he's on top if me as he places both of his hands on either side of me, trapping me. My back hits the grassy field as I stare at his darkened blue eyes.

His blue eyes almost look black as they blaze with fury.

"Tell me," he grits out slowly, "Why the hell would you say that? Do you have any idea what I.... if something had happened?"

I smile at his blazing eyes, "You wouldn't have met me, simple."

He clenches his jaw. It's clear that he's stopping himself from lashing out on me totally.

"Seriously, Ryder," I say as I smile at him gently, "I don't regret what I did that day. Do you know why?"

He stares at me intently, waiting for my answer.

"Because it made me who I am," I whisper, "When I opened my eyes in the cold hospital room and saw the expressions on my parents face I realized how stupid I was. Not because I had tried to kill myself. But because I had let myself get to the point when I had to kill myself."