Bloom // Peterick

Chapter 1

Butterflies aren't just flying around my stomach. Butterflies are suicide bombing the shit out of my entire person.

"Hey," my mom says, just as I'm about to shut the car door. "I will always love you, Patrick. Have fun today. Make friends, and know that I will always support you." And then she adds in one of those distinctly Mom smiles just to finish it off.

"Thanks, Mom." The car door shuts with a sort of finality and I head toward the doors.

The day passes slowly, full of needless tests and idiots making me feel inferior. I almost can't wait for it to end, except that after the school day ends, I do one of the most nerve wracking things I've ever done. I will be attending a meeting at my school's GSA. And I expect to vomit afterwards.

I came out to my mom last night and it all went well. We've made a pact to tell my dad that the new club I'm in is guitar club. Believable, yet just boring enough that he won't ask me to go into any specifics. And it exists, so he can even search on my school's website for it and I have an alibi.

The thing about Gay-Straight Alliance is that it is mostly just gay kids. Very few actually straight kids attend, and so when you just suddenly show up one day, people automatically assume you're gay. Which is not an incorrect assumption in my case, just one that I'm not sure I'm ready for people to make.

I know exactly which room it is as soon as I turn into the hallway. It's loud and there are people laughing and someone has strung up a few multicolored strands of ribbon on the doorframe, though not nearly enough to constitute a rainbow.

"You can do it, Patrick."

"I know," I breathe.

"Don't talk to yourself. You'll never get a boyfriend if you talk to yourself." And then I just walk in, sick of scaring myself.

-

There he is. My eyes instantly fall on him, and how could they not? Bleach blond hair and a black tank top and hell. I think about walking back out. He's got to be an upperclassman because I would have noticed him already if he wasn't. What do you even do at GSA? It can't be that important in my new title to be here, can it? I can make more gay friends some other way.

But just as I'm backing out of the room, I feel hands on my arms pushing me back in. I look over my shoulder to see who it is, and I'm really not surprised. "Brendon?"

"Hey, Patrick. Where ya going?"

"Uh, wrong room."

"Yeah, you know what? I feel like your gay ass is lying." Then I'm pushed forward into the room, right into a desk. This desk, naturally, makes an incredibly loud, attention-grabbing sound. I can see every head turn in synchronization, almost like they were ready for me to screw up and had held practice or something. His eyes are hazel-brown and they feel warm to me.

Eventually, everyone continues with what they were doing. I expect Brendon to come over and talk to me, but all he does is hang off of this tall guy I haven't seen before. I see a few other people I know. Gee and Frank, Tyler, and I think the new kid Josh is there too. Ashley and Hayley W showed up even though they said they weren't going to this week. So at least I'm not alone, and I can just rip the bandage off, come out to all of them at once. Only a few people didn't come, and that's just cause they think they're too "punk" for it.

Soon, someone calls order and everyone sits down at desks, except for Brendon, who sits on the tall guy's lap. Jesus help him.

The person who calls order is a girl I've never seen before. She's got bleach blond hair and lots of makeup and looks completely ordinary. I'm not seeing how the leader of the GSA could be completely straight and cis, though. She turns around to write something on the board and reveals an undercut dyed like stained glass and I really see it now. This chick is gay.

"So, I see we have a few new members! Exciting! Well, guys, I'm Hayley Kiyoko. I started this chapter of the GSA about two years ago. If you feel comfortable, you can share your names, identities, and pronouns. Just so we can get to know you a bit."

Luckily, one of the new people is sitting much closer to the front of the room than me, so everyone looks to him. "Uh, hey. I'm Alex. I'm gay and my pronouns are just he and him. Also, just letting you know, next week a bunch of my friends are gonna come. They just couldn't get here today." Alex seems so confident and relaxed, and I'm not ready when they all shift their gaze to me.

"Oh. Um. Okay, I'm Patrick." I briefly look up and see the guy looking at me, and my eyes shoot back down to my lap. "I'm, uh, gay. Came out to my family yesterday, actually. I'm cis."

Hayley K smiles at me and nods. "It's really brave to come out at home. I know some of us who have been attending for a while still haven't done that yet." That makes me feel a little better. And none of my friends seem that surprised to hear me say it. I guess I wasn't as good an actor as I thought I was.

She speaks again, confident and official. "Any of my regulars want to give them the run down of identities?"

The guy lifts up his head and kind of does a cool, nonchalant-looking nod. "We got Gee, a gay demiboy, and his husband Frank. Frank's bi... and a bitch," he adds, laughing in Frank's direction. Gerard takes his hand kind of pseudo-protectively. "Okay, Tyler's gay, Josh is bi, and both of them have bean/beans pronouns." This earns a laugh from the crowd. "Brendon is shit. That's all you have to know about him." Another laugh, like it's some sort of comedy show. "Just kidding. Beebo's pansexual and about 70% man."

"70%?" Brendon yells, pretending to be wounded. "Not even 75?"

"Moving on. His chair is named Dallon. Bisexual, he/him."

"Ashley is bisexual, she/her, and Hayley W is heteroflexible and still questioning the gender, right Hayes?" She just nods, bright hair flailing around wildly.

"And I," he finishes, gesturing grandly, "am the great Pete Wentz, a strong man with he/him pronouns of steel and am, in the words of my blessed father 'a wayward bisexual propagating the gay agenda'."

Pete Wentz. I've heard the name in the hallways before, but only spoken loudly by asshats I don't want to associate with. Do I even have a chance with him?

As an afterthought, he looks to Alex and asks, "Would your friends have aneurysms if you outed them to us? Just so we can know about the new recruits in our gay agenda?"

"I actually don't know what a bunch of them identify as. It hasn't really come up. We got Vic, Kellin, Andy, Joe, and Jack," he lists, counting them off with his fingers. "I'm kinda hoping Jack's involves liking boys, if you know what I mean." How can he so easily and openly talk about a crush with people he's just met? And how did I not know Andy and Joe weren't straight?

Something occurs to me pretty suddenly, and I end up just thinking out loud. "This is the Gay Straight Alliance. Are there any straight cis members?"

Hayley K looks down, almost embarrassed but not quite. "That was the idea, yeah. But no one here who's not actually queer wants people thinking they are. So no, not really." She pauses a bit and then continues. "Anyway, today we're planning a super secret underground operation," she says, ending with an eyebrow quirk and a smile.

Everyone kind of shifts in their seats a bit, which seems to make Dallon a little uncomfortable.

"So, I have spoken with two of the vice principals, and have discovered something that was not to be revealed to the student body until just before prom. Some parents have come forward and complained about gay couples at the dance, so they have decided to turn them away at the door this year, even with tickets." People visibly get tense around me. "I have had some discussions with them, and there's no changing their minds. I even hinted at legal action."

I can't believe it. Our school has always been relatively accepting, not nearly as bad as some others I've heard of. This is a huge step back.

"I was thinking that we could host our own dance." At this, everyone perks up. Pete cheers and I think I see him looking at me, maybe out of the corner of his eye.

"My parents have already said we can use our basement. We have some things to decide, though. Like, should it be the same night as actual prom, or should it be the night before or after? Should it be exclusive to lgbt people, or should it be inclusive for everyone? So, we've got a lot to do. Let's get planning."