My thoughts # book 3

Im sorry

Omg I'm done with this bull shit I can't even look at him with out getting mad or without getting upset. I saying this but idk why I'm with him bc I told my self that I didn't want to date it have a boyfriend at all, when he kissed me it was such a weird feeling and then me the stupid idiot wanted to have that weird feeling again. When I got home after that day I yelled at myself and told my self not to go with him again just because I love being single and free but then he make me think I love him, and now I'm his stupid girlfriend. I feel like I'm using him just because I was thinking the other day and said why am I with him because now I feel like I don't want to be with him, and if I said all this to him I know he would cry or yell or something and I have a feeling that it's his fault that I'm with him because I had to kiss him back, just because of that stupid feeling of me not kissing anyone in a long time. I think I'm a cold hearted bitch now and he should just Yell at me or something because I don't even know why I'm with him, I feel like I'm using him for the feeling of someone kissing me and now I wish I said no because I know I'm not in love anymore.

I'm just a girl who wants to have the feeling of being loved by a person. I feel so so so sorry about this and I can let this go any further because soon I know I'm gonna hurt him badly and he'll be hurt so bad that he's gonna hate me for life. I'm sorry but I can't do think, I can't date someone that I don't love and I regret a lot and I feel like an idiot but I completely regret saying the words to him.

I hate to say all this stuff but it's the truth and I'm not lying on what I'm saying. I feel kind of bad now that I'm writing these feeling I have and I want to fix everything so badly. When I was thinking I ended up not sleeping till a really late time then I ended up dreaming about it all and I woke up crying because I'm saying things rant will hurt him a lot. Now he might hate me after he reads this chapter but at least I'm not keeping all this and not getting anxiety attacks over it all or even my depression acting up either which is kinda good at least.