Animals (Sirius x James Harry Potter Marauders fanfic)

5 :: James

Hello to everybody reading this stupid fanfic... I've been super busy and now I finally have time to write some more parts to this thingy. Thanks, all. <3

-Marcus <3

I pushed him to the edge. After the thing happened with Michael I had thought Sirius would never enter my mind again. I mean, who in their right mind would enjoy that right? It was nice, warm. Felt nice to have somebody pay attention to me. 

I miss him. Sirius, not Michael. I'm getting sidetracked. He's been on my mind quite a lot. I don't really know how to forgive him. After everything I had done and how I yelled at him. There was so much malintent in my voice. I still feel that bitterness in my throat when I think about it. He did go searching through my things. He is my.. Sorry. He was my best friend. 

I decided to talk to Remus at dinner to see if he had anything to say about it. 

"Really, I think he's done with you," said Remus, mouth full of food. 

"I can't let that be the case, Remus. I just can't," I mutter, staring at my plate.

"When are you going to actually eat?" 

"I don't know," I said, playing with my food. 

"Well! I can tell you this, James. Sirius has an intense love for you. I mean you guys were best friends... It's kind of weird how he cares that much. Almost like he idolizes you."

"Yeah well not anymore." 

"That may not be the case. Apologize."

"Hey! I'm not the one who threw the punch."

"But you are the one who pulled it out of him."

"I suppose you're right."

"I usually am."

"Hush."

"Are you going to eat that?"

After dinner, I decided to see Michael. I made my way towards the Slytherin common room and met him outside it. 

"Hello," I muttered. 

"Um. Hi, I guess," he says. 

Why does he have to be so tall? "We need to talk."

"Agreed," he says cooperatively, "Wait, what about exactly?"

"Sirius."

"Oh. Yeah Okay."

We started strolling through the halls and getting off topic. We discussed Lily and classes and how sometimes my hair stands up when I don't want it to. "If I have a kid, I hope his hair isn't anything like mine," I say, laughing. 

"I think it's cute."

"Hey there. We're going off topic."

"Yeah, right. Sorry."

"So have you talked to him?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"I'm worried for him."

"Why's that?"

"He acts like he's lost a family member or something. If we weren't teenagers I'd say his wife just died."

"Oh goodness. I miss him so much."

"Do you now?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. It's just that it's been a few days since it happened."

"Yeah he punched me like three days ago. What's your point?"

"James. I don't mean that."

"Oh," he didn't mean that. We walk in silence for a few moments before I pop in, "Ok so that. I'm not gay."

"I disagree."

"I disagree with your disagreement."

"Your disagreement means nothing compared to what I felt in your pants whilst kissing you."

Why the hell did he have to word it like that? "Hush, now. I'm not gay, I swear."

"You know, generally when people swear about something it's untrue."

"Well. This time I'm not lying."

"Ok then. So tell me honestly. When we were kissing, what was going through your mind?"

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Umm. I suppose just that I was being kissed by a dude?"

"And it absolutely wasn't Sirius that you were thinking about?"

"Hey! What are you saying?"

"Listen, James. I like you and all. But you're gay. Not for me, but for somebody else."

"That's absurd."

"You just don't like it because you're gay for Sirius."

"No I don't like it because I'm not gay."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!"

"I am NOT GAY!"

"Are you sure about that?" Remus?

"Excuse you. What are you doing here, Remus?" I sputtered.

"I followed you. Thought it was odd that you went to the Slytherins," He says with a grin.

"Well, it was important," I said. 

"So let me get this straight. You two kissed," he said pointing at Michael and I, "but you're gay for Sirius?" 

"Absolutely," said Michael Triumphantly.

"Shut up," I snapped, "I'm not gay."

"Honestly, James? Even I knew," pronounced Remus.

"Your facts are based on nothing," I say.

"James. You kissed him."

"It's true," said Michael. 

"Go to bed," I say. 

"Come with me," says Remus. 

"I'll see you later, Michael."