Silence Gives You Space

Chapter One: The Call

          Marcus was 24 years old, out of college, living alone in an old apartment in Reno, Nevada. He had his cute grey female rat named Kylo to keep him company when he came back home. Marcus is genderqueer and pansexual. Genderqueer meaning he moves through three main genders, depending how he is feeling that day. Male, Female, and They/Them. The days are always different.

      Marcus is 5'8 with medium brown short curly hair, bright blue eyes, fair pale skin, and is lanky but also nicely thick. He likes to sometimes wear sweet girly outfits or strong manly outfits.

      Marcus struggles with many problems mentally. Most being his anxiety, depression, and dermatillomania.

This is his and his friends story, and how this boy fell in love with Josh Dun.

~~

To say Marcus hadn't been expecting the call from his best friend from highschool was a long shot. They hadn't contacted Marcus since he turned 21 and they went out drinking cause they had just been accepted by their dream job.

Ari had gotten accepted as Judah and the Lion's stage manager.

Marcus was so proud, they had been dreaming of that say since they were seventeen.

"Marcus, drive your ass down to LA to see the show this week!!" Ari yelled.

"Ari...? What the hell...." He groaned sleepily. It was four in the morning. Really Ari?!

"Listen, Judah and the Lion will be playing down in LA on Wednesday this week. It's Sunday, so pack your car and come on down!"

It sounded like fun...it really did. Marcus missed Ari. Missed their warm hugs, and the looks of disapproval when Marcus said something way too inappropriate from the moment.

"Your queen is driving down here also."

"Holy crap Tenea?!" Marcus shot up and rushed towards the closet. He grabbed the bright blue suitcase and threw it on his bed.

"Hell yeah of course she'll be there!! She's our wardrobe girl!" Ari laughed out happily.

Marcus bit his lip as he looked over towards the corner of his room, gazing into his rat's cage.

"Can I bring Kylo?"

"Kylo? Isn't that your nickname from high school man??" Ari seemed to convey deep confusion.

"That's the name of my rat. She's a sweetie!" Marcus interjected firmly. He had walked over by now, reaching into the cage and sweetly stroking the rat's grey fur.

"Sure bro, when I book your hotel room I'll inform them that you're bringing her."

Marcus looked towards the bed. "I'll head out this morning. See you soon Ari."

As he sat down by his suitcase he almost let himself cry. He had pulled away from everyone. He knew it hadn't be the right thing but he had ran. He had abandoned everything and everyone he loved after he turned 21. And he ran.

But this week, he'd welcome them back in. He couldn't live alone in Reno anymore.

So with all his courage he stood and started to grab his clothes.

~~

The drive from Reno, Nevada to Los Angeles, California was a seven hour and fifty-five minute drive. But has he pulled into the hotel's parking lot he felt a sense of calm cover him. He parked and called Ari.

"Hey I'm h-" He was cut off by the screaming of Ari and Tenea. He giggled softly and hummed, letting them cool down.

"We will be down in a minute!"

Marcus was quickly engulfed in bone crushing hugs, he laughed and nuzzled his face against their warmths. He was content before he pulled back to gaze at them.

Ari had definitely gotten taller and more fit! The Olympics had set that into them. The still had the gorgeous deep brown hair he remembered belonging to them. They held themself with pure pride, and he was so glad he was able to see them like this. Tenea was to die for. She had always been his queen. She will always be. She had her beautiful long dark hair that caressed her face perfectly. And she still had the smile that had always been present. She seemed taller also. Marcus was the short one again. That was upsetting.

"Come on, you need to get into your room."

~~

"So Ari, you and Judah officially a thing?" He asked softly as he put his clothing into the drawers of the hotel room the three of them were sharing.

"Well...." Ari looked away and sat down onto their bed. Tenea was snickering off to the side, happily holding the grey rat and stroking her fur.

"Spill you meme!" Marcus shouted and rushed over to Ari, launching onto the bed and pushing them down. "Come on please!"

"Tell him Ari!!" Tenea squealed.

"Yeah, we're together. We aren't announcing it until after the tour is over though." Ari smiled to their friends. "He's a sweetie....really..."

"Ugh... you're so lucky! It's just me and Kylo. Which is fine, but you know. It's pretty lonely." Marcus shrugged.

"Just like high school Marcus, always whining about being single!" Ari frowned and pushed at their friend's shoulder. Marcus shrugged, " It's the truth, I'm tragically single!"

Tenea and Ari gave eachother a gentle sly look, before shrugging.

~~

The three friends went out to dinner, Air and Tenea invited Marcus to go out clubbing with them that night. But the boy was just too tired. He politely declined and headed back to the hotel.

He slid the card into the lock and hummed as it clicked and let him slide in. He smiled softly as he look around the empty room, waving slightly towards Kylo's cage that was placed next to his bed.

Marcus then grabbed out a new pair of underwear and an oversized blue shirt was white clouds on it. He also took his phone as he went to the bathroom.

He undressed and stood naked, looking up into the large mirror. He cringed at his appearance, the dark eye bags, the sickly pale tint to his skin, and all the scars and open wounds on his chest, arms, shoulders, and back.

His small breasts didn't bother him, he loved them and they never held him back. But the self inflicted wounds from his picking that covered them, hit deep within him. This was why he ran. Why he was single.

He didn't want someone to see this. To realize that he did it to himself. Constantly. Without even noticing. It was he flaw. And he lived with it.

He pulled his phone out and turned on his spotify playlist, smiling as the calming sound of "Fake you Out" by Twenty One Pilots began to play. He hopped into the shower and turned on the hot water. He sang softly with the heartfelt lyrics.

~~

Marcus left the shower and redressed, making his way towards his bed. He reached into Kylo's cage to caress her face. He cooed softly to her before he reached into his bag to pull out a yellow pill bottle.

He poured out two small pills, and pushed them into his mouth. He gave a dry swallow then tucked himself into the bed and allowed himself to fall asleep. 

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Hi everyone! So glad I could post this fic here for the fun of it! And if anyone is curious about genderqueer, pansexual, or even dermatillomania. Just ask, I am a genderqueer, pansexual, and I struggle with dermatillomania

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