Is it possible to feel something against of what you have known all your life?
Yes,
I did.
I fell in love with a girl that I hated. Since we were kids we knew each other through Jack. Who was her brother and my best friend.
Unlike othe...
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This water is cold. But refreshing all the same, beating down on my body. I try to open my crust filled eyes but in vain. I have messed up my routine right now but that is what happens when you drink beyond your limit, you forfeit all coherence.
I feel better but not clean enough so I turn the shower off and walk towards the basin. I place my hands on the rectangular marble slab encompassing the white hemispherical basin sink. It's not purely black marble, there're white specks littering the color. It looks as if they have been sprinkled all over it but when I splay my fingers on it, it's smooth.
Just for the record, I am not high on pot.
Neither have I got a nick for bathroom fittings, I am just suffering from the aftermath of alcohol which even though a form of intoxication, not as severe as drugs. Oh, but the frenzy is there and it is erring me. I hate losing control or concentration in any form. I have always had a keen eye and sharp senses. I am extremely aware of my environment. This is why I have enrolled in the Army. All my waivers are cleared. I have my high school diploma with excellent grades. I am in the fittest condition possible and I love my country.
I turn the tap and place my hand under the white stream waiting for the water to turn warm.
My home in Candia, New Hampshire is a reminder that right now I am here in New York for a reason, a purpose not to party, and screw my years away. I have worked hard and dreamed hard to be where I am, the west point army. The best military school in America. My mom has worked her ass off raising me alone; I have to prove that she has done a great job.
I scoop some water in my hands by making it in a bowl formation and splash it on my face, at least five times. I use the hand towel to dry my face, and leave my whole body wet from the shower.
Home, it's been a while since I have visited my mom again. How she complains I am away from her but I know she is secretly proud that I am one of the few who actually went to the big apple. But I am sure my friends must have gone places as well. I know Jack did. It's been so long since I have even called my only ever best friend. I remember him applying for a vocational study program. He wanted to professionally become a mechanic. He was amazing with machines, but earlier, could only practice on his and mine. His dad, who is also mechanic, for some reason never allowed him to touch any cars in his shop.
I got out naked, since my roommate did not come back from the party yesterday, he must have stayed back. As I walk around the apartment making breakfast, with difficulty since I am pathetic at cooking, and I get dried naturally.
I remember the days when we had our spy club. We had a total of seven people in our club. It was me, Jack, Colin, George, Pam, Barbara and Janet, my sister. I remember how Susie always used to find the password somehow and demanded to get in.
I smell the burning toast, I try to take the toast out but it's too hot. But what's the point anyway? It's as dark as kohl.
Susie, the most annoying girl on the planet. When we were kids she used to be so lively, she used to have so many friends and was always saying something or the other (much to my displeasure) and always had an ear to ear smile with her nose red with laughing so much. That's how I remember my Susie. I mean, not my Susie. Just Susie in general.
I throw the burnt toast away and take out a bowl and fill it up with cereal. I open the fridge only to find empty beer bottles, an almost empty juice carton, some bacon and a solitary milk carton furthermost away in the corner as if trying to not be seen. I shrug my shoulders and take it out, too late. I upturn the carton on to the bowl and nothing comes out. I swear I can hear the cow printed on it laughing at me. College life.
But after she entered high school, everything changed. Even though we had crossed the stage where we used to bicker a lot, we still used to talk sometimes when she was in middle school but once in high school she stopped talking altogether, even though I was her senior by two years, she could at least say hi but she never did. Which ideally I should love but I missed it.
I took out my boxers and a T shirt. I pulled the shorts up to my waist and pulled the shirt over my head. And ran a hand through my hair.
When I used to hang out at Jack's place she never even accidentally showed up. It felt as if she never existed. But in my mind she always did. I had caught glimpses of her in school hallways. She was a bit on the chubby side when younger but she looked cute that way. In high school, she might not have lost the chubbiness, but it had accumulated in different spaces, like in her thighs making it thick, her feminine flare of hips which curved to a narrow waist and, fuck, big full round tits, pardon me for my frat boy language but it is, I assure you, an instinctive reaction. I might prefer delicate but firmly toned, thin limbed women with their beautifully perfect bodies and mile long legs but a big bust always gets me going. So unless some woman have those body proportions which is impossible unless, silicon, perky small breasts it is.
I take a towel and rub my wet hair dry. After it is done, I let the towel hang around my neck and start doing some crunches.
What does she do now? Where is she? Did she ever leave the town we lived in? Does she have boyfriend?
The last question made my blood boil and my anger flare. I slammed my fist on the floor, which did no damage to the floor but a lot to me. But the pain did not elevate the anger and rancid jealousy I felt at the mere thought of someone else calling her his.
I got up and picked my phone to call Jack. Our spring break has started yesterday and I had thought of going to the beach or something. But apparently there is a change of plans now.
"Hello Jack?" I said, waiting for him to recognize me.
"Peter? Hey man! It's been so long since you called. Gotten busy with college chicks, huh?" He chuckled at his own joke. Idiot, that he is.
"Nope, they have gotten busy with me. And let's keep it to that. How are you doing man?"
"As good as can be, dad gave his shop to me and I joined it with mine and renovated the whole thing. He just does not want to work anymore. Dad's been lonely since mom passed way." He said, his voice breaking in the end.
"Linda passed away? I am sorry Jack, I am sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most." I felt guilty for not calling often to know what's going on.
"It's fine Peter. I knew you were busy with school and your dream and I am fine now. It's just that dad is more sad that Susie is going as well" He says almost close to tears.
But so am I. What the hell, how could she be just up and leaving her family behind, her home behind, me behind?
He might have heard my thoughts because he replied to all my answers. She was leaving the town to go to LA, moving in with her friend. She wants to pursue a cooking career and is planning on joining some culinary school. I knew she always loved cooking; sometimes she would create dishes she had only tried once in her life. Even though I am proud of her, she cannot leave like this. When I asked Jack, he said there are a few weeks before she leaves. I know exactly what to do.
"Jack I will be dropping down, I think it's time I visit my home again," and some people.
I might not have wanted her in my club but me being the way I am I, won't let her join another.
