fear of change
i teared up on your shirt while we find comfort in the arms of each other today. there is not much sense to cry when all we have then was assurance. while tripping along the thin line between faith and fear, i fell down on the latter. you were nothing but loving, always making me feel that i am someone who's worth all of what you have to offer. but i guess, i am myself, i fear change and i fear it so much my eyes start to burn hot with tears. i had to keep it at bay, we were having a good time together and i don't want to ruin it with my mind's restlessness. i teared up on your shirt today and i'm truly sorry. i was thinking that i don't know what i will do if you'd ever feel that it's wearing off. i fear the feeling is the only thing that anchors you. i despise that i cannot rest easy on this. i have so much going on in my mind while we held each other and what terrifies me is that what if, what if you don't feel the way you do before? if it happens to be true, i hope it is because your love intensifies and it becomes much stronger than my fear. i hope, i do hope. when i met you, i told myself, this boy is going to have my all. if you are not aware, well, now you are and yes you truly do. you do have my everything. you are my everything. i know for sure that you are not going to do the same thing he did. this fear is just a stain that i am yet to wash so i can start a clean slate. i'm sorry you have to carry the weight of his sins. history doesn't always repeat itself when we learn from the past. i may fear some things, some memories, such events but i know for sure that you will stay. however, if you ever feel you are at your lowest, please, please remember this: always choose to stay, and stay the way you are. if not, we can always change for the better. you've been nothing but loving so to reassure you: fear not, it remains. this will always remain.
032817
