Cursed Rings ❅ Vikturi

3) I Can't Live In The Dark

A/N It's CheshireCatLife again! I just like saying hi...and announcing that I wrote the most part of this chapter! I don't know why I feel like I should do this but anyway, to make this somewhat interesting: QOTD, do you have any pets?

'I'm coming, I'm coming.' He muttered, waving the young sixteen-year-old, Yurio, away. He reached for his bag, which was tucked in some forgotten corner of his apartment, before grabbing his keys and leaving the car. The Russian teen stalked behind him, clearly expecting a lift as he had already bothered to walk this far just to get Viktor to the rink itself.

Viktor glanced at his watch, he was an already an hour late. If anything, he didn't want to go to practice at all. He wanted to lie in bed and forget about his disappointing life, watching a film or reading. He wanted to forget it all. He hadn't realised what he had done until he clicked that dreaded email and it felt as if his whole world had come crashing down.

He hadn't meant to do anything wrong. Yet, somehow, he had managed to break Yuri's heart. He hadn't even broken it with words but rather, the lack of thereof. Viktor was disappointed in himself. He didn't understand what had happened. One moment he had left Yuri, fuming, knowing that it was for good reason- or, at least, he believed so. But, he had also believed that Yuri would forgive him for his sudden departure. It seemed that he hadn't and now Viktor felt a fool.

He still loved Yuri but it seemed that now, Yuri was losing his love for him. The statement scared him so much that he had to be pushed into the car by an irate Yurio. 'Something's on your mind, hag.' He spat, doing his best to care- not quite finding it within himself. Viktor didn't answer, it was a half-arsed question, anyway. Yurio didn't seem to mind, he wasn't in the mood to have to give advice to his older, rather mopey friend.

It was as if Yurio was the only one who ever saw Viktor like this. Never sad, just lost. He looked empty and the walls he built around himself collapsed because he knew Yurio didn't care nor did Viktor care that Yurio saw. It was there own little secret and was probably what kept their relationship intact. Viktor kept a smile on for some and Yurio was one of the few exceptions.

They pulled up at the rink, and Viktor quietly got out of the car, Yurio following close behind. Yurio then barged ahead, eager to get in the rink whilst Viktor followed lazily behind him. Viktor was in no mood to skate and with his inspiration now gone, he was as good as dead. Or so he felt, his coach seemed to disagree as Viktor stepped on the ice and performed his new routine.

'Отлично!' Yakov shouted, meaning perfect in Russian. Viktor couldn't find it within himself to smile so he simply scowled at his coach and began to make his way around the rink a few times, each glide sloppier than the last.

'I'm liking the change in attitude. This will surprise the audience for sure.' Yakov spoke to Mila who was standing lazily against the rink's wall, listening to her coach's words.

'Should we not try to help him? He seems...I'm not sure. He's usually always smiling. I'm worried, Yakov.' She spoke pityingly. A tone that Viktor despised. He wanted no pity; he wanted Yuri. Viktor trudged off the rink to give it someone else that could actually use it wisely and sent another glare towards his coach, who barely even noticed, before leaving without a word.

Viktor felt sick of skating. What once had helped him was now what caused him to need that help. The irony pained him. He remembered watching Yuri do his final routine at the Grand Prix and tried to smile. His lips quirked but nothing more happened. He had always said that a laugh was a cure to everything- a smile even. But what happens when you can't do either?

Viktor was stuck in the familiar cycle of sadness. But this time, he was failing to hide it from the world. That smile he gave to his fans was now empty, no more than a scowl. He wasn't sure if he could deal with the moderate fame anymore. Looking at the comments on his social media made him want to shout and the hatred only made him fall further. He was clinging to the edge of happiness and it felt as if Yuri was going to stamp his hand and let him fall. And then, all would be lost. Viktor would be lost.

Viktor was helpless. He had no help; he had no one he could trust. He just felt as if he was there. He was nothing. He was simply an existence that no one took notice off. He felt alone, that was it, alone.

-

Yuri, sitting across the world, was glued to his computer again. His cheeks were now dry, as were his eyes and that anger he had once let loose had been reeled in and contained, leaving only a spiralling sadness.

He could not be sure that Viktor had seen his message but Yuri knew better than to think he hadn't. He had lost faith in hope. Despite once saying that Viktor would never read it, he knew he had been lying to himself. He had been in a constant state of denial since Viktor left and he was even in denial about that.

Yuri, feeling depleted, had reverted to his former self. He was no longer the confident, funny Yuri he had let be free. He had formed back into his old self; a man before Viktor. He was insecure, anxious, self-deprecating, the list could go on. He was the man who could not escape last place. 

He had become a failure again.

In a state of depression, he let his hands wander to the keyboard, his fingers resting upon the keys, skimming over them gently. Then, he began to type.

To: ViktorNikiforov@YOI.com

Viktor,

I wanted to wait, I really did, but I can't help myself. So, here I am again, talking to a wall that will clearly never talk back.

I don't know what to do, Vik. I think I'm losing my mind.

I feel like the clock stopped ticking ever since you left and I can't seem to escape that final moment we had together. Are you like this too? I don't want to be like this. I don't want you to be like this, even. I hate this. I hate you. 

No, I don't.

More and more, I feel myself saying things I don't mean. Your betrayal left me confused, to put it simply. I want an explanation, that's all. One simple explanation and this could all be over.

Do you just not want me anymore? Is that it?

It was clear from the start that we wouldn't, couldn't, fall in love. We were destined to fail. You were the man that was loved by all. I was the man that, well, wasn't. We were never supposed to be on the same platform, I don't know why I ever believed we would be.

Maybe I just wish it hadn't been so soon.

I want you to answer. If I have a dying wish, it's that. You never have to say another word to me as long as I have an explanation. I can't live in the dark, even if the answers I want won't shed any light.

I still love you, Vik. A month can't change that. I'm hoping that soon, though, this will all become a distant memory. I don't want to remember you Viktor yet I find you ingrained in my mind. I can't forget your icy eyes, your smooth lips, your gentle hair. I can't forget a thing.

I think I will always remember you, even with my dying breath.

I don't think I can bear the thought.

Goodbye, Viktor- I'll be waiting for your reply.

オールウェイズ・ラヴ・ユー,

Yuri.

word count: 1073

published: 29.03.17

edit 1 - 29.03.17 - new word count - 1371