Remember, He's Not There

Isolation

*7-10*

"How long has it been?" I call out. "Please just tell me that. I'm going crazy in here. What time is it?" I ask. No reply. How long? They opened the door. I ran to it. "Here's your lunch Rowan. It's 1:13 and how long doesn't matter. Here you go." The nurse said kindly as she handed me my tray. She shut the door in my face and I heard it lock. "Why can't I interact with anyone?" I sit against the wall and begin eating. "I'm not crazy." I think it over. Am I crazy? I bite into my apple. I've had a lot of time to think in here. Too much time. Dang. I can't even remember if A is real? Was I just seriously crazy? Am I schizophrenic? Multiple personalities? I have too much time. Time to read. But I enjoy that. I'm not me when I read. I'm not in this little containment cell. I'm not all alone. I really don't mind not talking. I always hated talking to people. Only a couple did I really enjoy talking to. A, my mom, and I loved teaching and playing with the twins. But that's what hurts, the fact that the ones I'm closest to left. It's been months I think. They won't tell me. I started talking to myself mainly in my head though. Rarely out loud. I'd like to leave. The empty feeling in my chest is starting again. I don't know how I feel. I'm going stir crazy. I pace around the room. I need to get out. I can't. I sit down on the bed. Then I stand back up. Why can't I just, ugh. I walk to the little side bathroom. There's a small window. I look outside and see people doing various things. Why am I not allowed to be out there. I don't want to be in my mind anymore. "Rowan? It's time for your test. Just answer the questions." I walk back into the other room. There is a packet of paper, and pencils. The tray of food has been taken away. I sit and answer every question. Stupid questions. Stupid room. Stupid people. All they do is watch me. They test my mind to see how crazy I am. They never talk to me because I won't talk to them. I just don't want to be alone anymore. sometimes I feel a presence, I think it's A. Some times I feel his hand on me. I figure it's him because I don't feel scared. Because there's other things that come around often, they scare me, badly. I sometimes see A's shadow fighting off things. He never talks to me though. He sends me bad dreams, but at the end of them he always hugs me and sometimes it feels so real, I actually think he is there with me. But then again I could just be crazy. I hope it's actually him... really badly.