collarbones

16 ~ relapses

A/N: Let me know what you all think about the story by commenting with some feedback. :) Thank you for supporting this book so much! It means a lot to me to see you all connecting with it as much as you are.

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Anna awoke that next morning with a smile on her face as she recalled what had happened after the kiss.

After blushing furiously, they’d gotten a warm drink together before heading home. Despite Trent’s disapproving look at her choice of a cup of green tea over a hot chocolate, he didn’t press further and that little gesture made Anna immensely grateful.

It was nice to see that he understood that she couldn’t change in a second.

They’d parted ways after strolling around the park for a few more minutes, talking about nothing of importance. Anna thought it was nice to have a conversation that wasn’t so serious with someone, and they’d had an agreement to talk about the kiss another time. She’d been so stressed with her eating habits and exams that she didn’t really have a chance to take a break and forget everything for a while.

Trent made her forget.

As they laughed together, the voice still loomed at the back of her mind but it was like his presence had turned it down until it was but a whisper in the depths of her soul, waiting to be released when he left.

And it was.

Anna felt herself frown as she remembered how she’d regressed.

It was like everything he’d said had disappeared and Anna had found herself immersed in work as she tried to ignore the urge to eat.

It won in the end.

Determined not to start off her Sunday in a sour mood, Anna got out of bed and tidied her duvet before strolling into the bathroom as she yawned. Lazily she grabbed her toothbrush and carelessly applied a wad of toothpaste on it, before jamming it into her mouth and brushing her teeth in a very unladylike manner.

As she brushed in circular strokes she examined her face in the mirror. Her eyes held dark circles underneath them and her face looked gaunt. She was paler than usual and she couldn’t help but feel as if she looked like a ghost.

Anne lowered the toothbrush to the sink and rinsed her mouth with water followed by some mouthwash, before lightly washing her face with water. After wiping her face on the towel and applying some moisturising cream, Anna looked back at the mirror to find that she looked better, but still held an eerie manner about her.

It made her uncomfortable.

She raised her knuckles and pressed them against the ridges of bone, similar to how Trent had yesterday, and began to notice how ghastly they looked.

Was he right?

Questions seemed to consume her as she perused herself in the mirror. She turned sideways and lifted her shirt as she examined her stomach.

It wasn’t flat.

It wasn’t like the ones she’d seen online.

“It’s not even toned,” she spat to herself, disgusted. She pinched at the fat that enclosed her happiness, image after image cutting through her as she stared at her reflection, dazed.

Her mind began to conjure meal plans, exercise routines, excuses and goals as she stood, frozen, in the bathroom.

She was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Anna?”

It was her father.

She cleared her throat. “Yeah?” she called, her heart beating wildly in her chest. Did he know?

“Come downstairs Annabelle – your mother’s making pancakes!” he told her excitedly.

Her heart plunged in her chest.

“I’ll be down in a few minutes,” she called. She waited for the sound of retreating footsteps before she opened the door and went to her room, where she threw on a pair of jogging bottoms and a baggy shirt before skipping downstairs.

She was determined to resist.

She bounced her way into the kitchen as she grabbed a cereal bowl quickly, trying her hardest not to prolong the amount of time she spent with the temptation that loomed behind her.

“Aren’t you going to have any pancakes Anna? They’re your favourite,” her mother questioned, flipping a pancake over on the pan.

A waft of sugar slapped Anna in the face as she turned to disagree with her mum, but she faltered as her stomach growled.

Just one pancake, a niggling voice pleaded in the back of her mind. Just one, and then you don’t have to eat anything with lots of sugar for the rest of the day.

She lifted the bowl shakily back towards the shelf.

You’ll regret it, another voice called. Don’t do it. You want to be thin? Prove that you can resist.

Her hand froze in mid-air as she mulled over the possibilities.

“A little sugar in the morning won’t hurt,” her father reassured, sensing her hesitation. He seemed to know her more than her mother did at times. “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

He’s your dad. Of course he’d say that, the voice snapped.

Anna felt her hands go clammy, the bowl beginning to slip slightly.

Trent would want you to eat it, the other voice soothed.

The bowl smashed against the counter, bits of stoneware flying around the kitchen.

Anna stood there, frozen to the spot, as she continued to internally argue with her conscience over the options. She turned suddenly, smiling at her mother.

“I’ll have a pancake,” she relented swiftly, willing to face the consequences.

Her father shot out of his seat. “Anna, didn’t you notice the bowl you just broke?” he asked cautiously.

Anna looked at him, confused, before snapping her head down towards her feet, which were surrounded with broken shards of the bowl she just broke.

“Oh,” she whispered.

Her father chuckled, oblivious to her shaken state, and handed her the dustpan and brush by the door before sitting back down at the dining table and reading the newspaper once more.

Anna wobbled slightly as she swept up the mess before throwing the broken pieces into the trash.

“Sorry Mum,” she apologised.

Her mother simply waved her away. “It’s fine, Anna! We have plenty more anyway,” she reassured as she stacked the pancakes onto a plate and placed them on the table.

Anna grabbed the sauces, plates and cutlery before she sat down on the table, picking up a pancake and placing it on her plate.

She’d eaten four pancakes in the end.

Four sins already, the voice taunted. What are your four punishments?