Letters To Him

Chapter 1- Fire Truck Red

Dear Ashton,

I’ve known you since day one of 6th grade. I’m not the one to sit in the corner and be laughed at, but neither was I popular and everyone knew my name. I’m not really the one to say what I feel, I just kept it bottled in. Now here I am telling you how I feel. I like you, a lot, but feelings are so complicated so I don’t do anything about it. They say stay away from people who bring you pain because they are not worth it but I hurt me more than anyone else could. You never really paid attention to me and I bet you never even knew my name. So I start to think that I’m not good enough for you. Was I not pretty, was I not smart enough. I remember getting up early to steal my mom’s make up, sneaking out the house with the shortest shorts, and the smallest tops. Everyone noticed and complimented me except the one boy I really wanted to be noticed by. You.

When you didn’t notice me I remembered being hungry telling myself that I’m fat, and need to lose weight. I starved myself trying to stay thin. When I thought of food I would remember you and tell myself that pretty girls don’t eat and pretty girls are thin. I continued that for a couple months before one day on my way out the door to school I collapsed. I was too thin. I was weak and could barely support my own weight. Being so thin the drop gave me severe injuries. I went into a coma. When I woke up 1 month and 3 days later I was still too weak. I couldn’t even cry.

When I woke up from the comma I thought about what I did. Every day after that I thought I am so dumb, I am so fat and I will always be like that because I am so dumb. I wish I told you how I felt instead of trying to get your attention. That’s why you never talked to me. I wish I wasn’t so shy. I wish I was pretty, one hundred pounds light, smile brighter than the twinkle of stars. But I’m not. Not even close. Well in my eyes anyway since people always say I’m gorgeous. But you can’t trust everything people say, and I learned that the hard way. I hope you never or will never go through that.

                                                                                                                Sincerely,

At that moment my annoying brother came into my room. “Get up sleeping beauty” He said I folded the letter putting it in the envelope. “I’m up already” I sighed at the nickname he has been calling me since the incident. Not the one in the letter. Even worse. “Oh why are you up so early?” “I’m meeting my friend at her house” He eyed me suspiciously. “Okay….Go eat first” He continued to watch me until I got down the steps into the kitchen.

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I grabbed a bagel and cream cheese and poured myself a glass of milk. I finished eating and made my way to school. Yeah I lied I have no friends. And it’s the second week of school. That is just sad. As I got to school I made my way to Ashton’s locker. I scanned the hallway to make sure no one was there before slipping the letter into his locker.

When I finished I heard a group of male voices echoing through the hallway. I gasped I totally forgot Ashton and his football playing friends come early every other day to practice for the game on Tuesday.

I froze. If I run they would hear me and run after me and if I stay here they would question me and know I was the one to leave the letter. I tip toed to my locker quickly putting in the combination and stepping inside leaving it slightly open so I could get out.

I looked through the slit at the top and watched them walk to Ashton’s locker which happens to be right across from mine. “YO GO LONG!” I heard someone yell. Not even five seconds past before something or should I say someone hit into the locker. I pushed the locker door and it wouldn’t open “Shoot” I whispered to myself.