Burning Sea Green

18

"Y/n . . . I-I kissed Lucy."

At the exact moment her words came out of her mouth, I felt like my heart stopped beating too. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, having your nightmares come into reality and you're supposed to do something but time has stopped around you and you couldn't even move a single muscle. Nor blink your eyes, you can't.

"Get out," I said after the initial shock, my eyes stone hard on hers as it was now spilling tears.

"Y/n, let me—"

"GET OUT!" I yelled and now I didn't hesitate screaming at her. I didn't feel anything. Nothing hurt. "GET OUT, LAUREN!"

"Just let me explain!" She tried to take a hold of me and I would've craved for her touch under normal circumstances but none of them was like this one and all I ever wanted from her right now was her absence.

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!" I stood up, stepping away from her and ignoring the feeling of my nails digging on my palm.

"Y/n, please," she cried, reaching out for me.

"No, Lauren, get the fuck out of my house," I said, gritting my teeth too hard that I could almost feel them breaking against each other. "I don't want to see you. Not right now. Not again. Ever."

"No, baby, you're just saying that . . . " She sobbed, and I would've taken her in my arms and wiped her tears away, tell her that it would be okay, but the void inside me was getting larger and larger as she got closer.

"I mean it, Lauren," I said breathlessly, my vision becoming blurry as my eyes drowned in tears, my voice strained and throat dry from shouting. "I never want to fucking see you again. Get out of my house."

She looked defeated and I was scared for a moment that she'd fall apart right then and there and I wouldn't have a choice but to pick her up and tell her I love her still. But again, I wasn't feeling anything anymore. Not at this moment when everything's making sense to me but at the same time, I'm confused and conflicted.

I watched her walk to the door through my hazy vision, catching her tearful expression turn to me.

"If this is ever going to be the last time," she started ever so softly, my heart breaking with her tone instead of being repaired, "I want you to know that I'll always love you. Always have and always will, y/n. I'm sorry."

And with that, she left my house just like I told her to. But I wanted her there. I needed her there when I fell on my knees, hugging myself as I cried my heart out. I needed her to catch me but I asked her to leave. Why was I expecting her to put me back into pieces? Ironic. She was too busy picking up the pieces for Lucy—the girl who has feelings for her, the girl who needed her help . . . the girl she kissed when she had me.

Was I not enough? Were my efforts not any better than what Lucy does to her? What about our engagement? That was nothing to her? If she was helping somebody else to pick themselves up, why is she destroying me now? Why did she kiss her when I was hurting here?

With pure rage and only seeing red, I swiped the pack of cigarettes on my nightstand along with the lighter and shoved it in my pocket. I stomped to the walk-in closet and grabbed a duffel bag before hastily filling it in with my necessities. I can no longer stay here. Lauren will probably come and try to talk to me tomorrow and I can't face her again. Not now, and I was reconsidering that what I said was true. Maybe I really didn't want to see her again. I continued packing and dialed Emma's number, telling her that I'd be flying back to London to stay with her for a while. Luckily, she was there for a break from work and with that confirmation, I was on the road. I sent Dad a text and told him about my sudden decision and I was glad that he didn't question me anymore.