Panorama

variable

Florescent figures dance along the water pounding my window. Cool air reaches my arms as I start to close my eyes. My forehead smudges the chilling glass, mimicking my infinitesimal, insignificant life I've created. Hairs stand up as I create a mental picture of him.. "CRASH"...One mississippi two mississippi three mississippi. Thunder. They say that the lightening itself starts from the ground shooting upward into the dark clouded sky. Negative charges react with the positive on the earths surface creating a wave of fierce energy, reaching temperatures that could kill. They also say love is only a chemical imbalance in the brain, or electro static reacting in the brain cells decoding hormones that lay dormant for years. Could these electrical charges also kill? I knew the science behind it. I figured the logic behind what façade created however why is my heart react differently than my brain? Weren't they connected?

I sit in my lifeless chair as I wait for him.. Three knocks was all it took to obligate me to do something other than sulk in the reality that has become. The click of the door echoed in the hallway. Sound waves travel bouncing off walls. These walls were bare, no pictures hung. No furniture resided, no paint bestowed. Each sound seemed to linger, creating not only a sorrow feeling but also an empty one. There he stood. Dark eyes, knuckles clenched, heavy eyelids drained all the features that I was once accustomed to. Water dripped from his face, or was it tears? His pale hands casually lay beside him as he stares into my eyes. Blood dripped from his arm, pain staged through his body, yet I doubt it was from the cuts. I am no doctor however I am smart enough to figure out that seeing him again was not healthy for the both of us. Yet my muscles didn't react when my brain literally screamed "Run!". Instead my feet stay glued to the tile layer beneath me. Unsteady breaths soon become deep and hollow. Mine soon matched his as we stood there saying nothing. We didn't need to say anything. It was already declared. It was already made promised as I envelope him into my embrace. Once upon a time these would excite me, I would smile as he rubbed my back slightly. I forced myself to forget the feeling in my heart as it sped up flipping. Clenching what dignity I had I shut my eyes, desperately trying to slow my heart rate. He then rested his head on the side of mine whispering low and sincere enough to persuade "Forget everything"

Shattering, convulsing, acid words they were. Easier said than done.

I swallowed my voice, forcing the weight to plunge to the bottom of my stomach. There awaiting were immature butterflies.

I supplied no response. I mean he was seriously joking right? Forget what we had? I thought he came here for me. But I was wrong he came for himself.

And then I supplied myself the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was kidding. He always was a comedian however he had his serious side. He had all sides, three dimensional, yet no matter what angle you received it always had the same effect, the same result. Mischievous yet captivating. Challenging yet optimistic. Painful yet rewarding. Oh it was rewarding.. I've never had that before him. I usually stuck to the facts, to the ground, to one variable that would inevitably solve the equation that would appear endlessly. Too many factors, too many variables, too much. Was this the end? No, defiantly not. Oddly enough it was the only beginning.