Jerrie Oneshots (2017)

I have loved you since I was 14

I met her 10 years ago, and I hated her. The first time I saw her was in afternoon sports class, and I hated her, because she slapped my sister so hard she started crying. But then I became good friends with her through the years, I got to know her more and more each day.
And I didn't hate her. One summer I was talking to her on iMessage, her being in America in a training camp, me spending the holidays in the country with relatives. I missed her terribly, and I was scrolling through some old pictures of her, and I was just thinking how beautiful she was, the butterflies - the butterflies? It hit me then: I loved her. As in I was in love with her.
We weren't best friends back then, so I didn't really want to take a risk and tell her - I just kept it to myself.

For three years.
Now I don't remember a lot from these years, but the depression first made it's appearance then, when I was in 9th grade, only 14.

I thought I learnt to push it away - but I didn't.

Some quite diverse memories came in my mind when I started to think about her.

When we were at training camp, and the two of us ate a whole pack of cereal before training, and we talked for two hours straight. Later the coach asked us, if it would be okay having cereal for breakfast next morning. Well, as the young, mature adults we were, we ran out of the house doubled over with laughter.

Or when we were writing a letter for Gaga before her concert, to throw it on the stage later, and she said a way for our Mommy Monster to notice us would be if we'd shared a kiss in front of her. How rapid my heartbeat was when I laughed her suggestion off.

Or at the concert, when the Lady popped up on the stage, she held my hand, looking in my eyes, both of us crying happy tears.

Or when we were at the European Championships in Zurich, and we spent two whole days cuddling. So much for a platonic 'crush', right?

Or when we were at the World Championships in Jakarta, and I was so jealous at anybody who just dared to look at her that I cried almost all day. I think I lost my sanity at that point.

However, last year I realised this wasn't healthy, so I just let her go. We weren't really talking for almost a year, then she suddenly texted me she needed to talk to me. I was like ????
She called me later that day, and she told me she knew that I was in love with her. We talked it out, she telling me important parts of her past, encouraging me to go on, and don't give up. I listened to her.

At the beginning of autumn 2016, depression made its way back and I welcomed it with open arms. I made a little bucketlist, the final station being the Lady Gaga concert in May 2017. And then I would finally end the suffering some people of the human race calls life.

In Jaunary she invited some of our old friends and me to a house party. I thought I'd be cool, yeah, sure.

Though this time it wasn't me, who threw herself at the other, it was her. At some point of the night, when we were both pissed drunk, she pushed me down on my back, pressing my wrists into the carpet next to my ears, and whispering sweet nothings into my ears.

After that, she started to act different. She was constantly hitting me up with messages, at trainings she held a conversation with me, she flirted - almost as if the roles were reversed.

Then another night at her's came, and this time, I tried to initiate a kiss - and what she told me was 'There ain't gon' be anythin' til Leigh-Anne has a crush on you' I don't even have to tell that I didn't give any fucks about Leigh's crush on me, I just wanted her to kiss me.
So when she sat on the couch, I climbed to straddle her, kissing her neck softly. She moved her hand flat on my stomach, slowly caressing it, stating the same thing again and again - she won't kiss me.

I gave up eventually, and wondered off, had some more shots, and somehow when we were crossing paths in the kitchen, I fell on my back, giggling. She leaned down, starting to pick me up, but instead she blew a small kiss on my neck, saying I smelt great. Gee thanks, I usually shower once a day, but you could really stop turning me on, if you don't mind.

After we settled for the night, I sobered up a little, and for some unknown reason, sent her a question in text: Was it only because of Leigh, or you wouldn't want to do it either way?

She responded saying: Leigh. But why does it count?

I don't know, hoe, maybe because if you didn't kiss me simply because you didn't want to hurt somebody else, that means you like me too.

I don't know why, but I replied with some bullshit of an excuse, and let it slip.

Next day, in came a very unexpected text:

Jade: Well, all is fucked up. Hope we'll speak again, though.

Bitch, what???

Perrie: What? What is fucked up? And why wouldn't we speak?

Jade: If you haven't noticed, our last few texts didn't really make sense.

Perrie: Yeah, cause I don't make sense. Sorry though, if I fucked up with that.

Jade: That wasn't what you fucked up with. And we were talking without being honest.

Perrie: Okay. I like you. With the question I asked, I wanted to find out if its mutual.

Perrie: That was completely honest.

seen by Jade

Perrie: I can't read your mind, so if you would be so kind and replied...

Perrie: Okay, now I think I fucked up.

seen by Jade

Perrie: I'm sorry. I hope we'll speak again, though.

She didn't even read the message. And I didn't bother to send her another one.
Only 57 days til the concert.

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Hiya!:)
I know I haven't updated for a really long time, I just had a writer's block, and I didn't really have time. There are 3 stories in my drafts though, so there might be another update this week.
This oneshot was based on my (not so exciting) life, and it was written really fast, so if it's a tad boring and incomprehensible, I apologise.
Any advices? Can any of y'all guess what was her problem at the first place? I don't really understand her texts, and my friend say they don't either, so.. Ahh I really did fuck it up, didn't I?
Who's going to see the girls on the DWT, or GDT? I'll go to the GDT in Vienna in May (I live in Hungary, no famous people for us:(( ), and I'm really excited!!
The NMSS video is lit, by the way, and I'm really looking forward to hear Harry's solo single, too.

See you next update:)