All This Time

NEW YEARS BONUS #1 (Part 2)

It would have been so much easier to say Yes to Wolf's question if he'd been a different sort of man and I'd been a different sort of girl.

In my head, I imagined that any other girl in the world would squeal with happiness and throw herself into her boyfriend's arms if he made that sort of proposal to her—and simultaneously, I imagined that there was something deficient in me that made me ask him for time to think.

The only answer worse than No was I need to think about it.

After we'd slept and showered the eight-hour flight off ourselves, we raided Wolf's cupboards for pre-dinner snacks, neither of us trusting Graeme and Xander's cooking.

"I feel so guilty snacking like this when she's probably been slaving in the kitchen all afternoon," I moaned, tearing off a long stretch of a red Fruit Roll-Ups.

We were in the car, heading to Graeme and Xander Elliot's new penthouse. Traffic was slow, almost bumper to bumper, and we inched along at half the usual pace.

"You should have thought about that before chowing down on that enormous bowl of Lucky Charms earlier," Wolf pointed out, but he said it with a smile. "Thanks," he said as he accepted the candy and popped it in his mouth, letting one end hang over his lips.

I couldn't hold back my smile as I watched him nibble at it, ever few seconds munching another bite until the entire strip was gone.

In so many ways we were getting to know each other again. He wasn't the arrogant boy I'd met in the Netherlands, nor the arrogant man I'd met again in New York.

I'd let Wolf go when I left New York, in my life, at least, if not in my heart. It was pretty hard to evict someone from there, especially a tenant as tenacious as Wolf. He was more of a squatter, really. He spread out and took up all the room and crept into the places where it'd be hardest to leave.

Coming back to New York felt like finding him again. Whoever he was now was meeting the person I was now, and those people felt brand-new and untouched by our past, even though I wasn't naive enough to believe we could escape it altogether.

This time around, things made more sense—we made more sense.

Long ago, I'd likened Wolf to a season. I hadn't thawed his icy tendrils and cold bite—no one could do that but him. But maybe he yearned for the warm blush of the spring sun and blossoms on trees and birds in the air. Maybe I had learned to revel in the snow and find the beauty in the ice. Winter would transition into spring, but spring would not be unaltered by winter's presence.

Balance.

"It sort of feels like we're turning a page," said Wolf. "Instead of re-reading the same paragraph over and over."

"I feel it, too."

"About the apartment..." Wolf began to say, eyes focused on the road ahead and not at me.

I'd been waiting for this. As much as he'd changed, he could still be pigheaded when it came to getting his way. He'd been pretty good about not pressing me for an answer, but it had to be driving him crazy.

I let the "Yeah?" drag itself from my lips.

"Maybe we should think about doing what Graeme and Xand did. Finding a new place that's both of ours instead of you moving into my place. I mean, if you decide to move in." Wolf cleared his throat. "Sorry. I promised myself I wouldn't bug you about it, but you have no idea what it's like not to nag when you want something so badly."