Walk Away ✔

Kabanata 3

Kabanata 3

Goodbye

Time flies so fast. Hindi ko na nakita pa ang mga oinsan ni Raf. Hindi pa naman niya ako naipapakilala sa kanila pero naipakilala na niya ako sa mga magulang niya. He's father was amused because of Raf's behaviour. He matured to the highest level. First time niyang magpakilala ng isang babae sa bahay nila.

Niligawan ako ni Raf. Nagpaligaw ako. I'd be lying if I say I don't want him. Sinundan niya ako roon sa terminal. Kung bakit ang bagal ng suusnod na bus noon ay hindi ko malaman. Gusto kong batukan ang driver para ako na nga ang magmaneho. Nawawalan ako ng pasensya at... pag-asa. 

We dated for months. Yes, I diverted my feelings to solitued before. Ngayong nakitata ko na si Raf, siya na muna.

I met Ria ten times. Ria's Raf's ex-fling. Palagi ko siyang nakikita sa video calls namin ni Raf. Lagi siyang nakikialam ng gamit ni Raf. Walaa naman siyang karapatan.

But there was a time that we ended up into a hotel. After that ay naging miserable ako. I lost my phone. May iilang bagong files ako roon na hindi panatatransfer sa laptop. Hindi nga rin nakiramay sa misery ko si Raf. He always leaves a message that say's he's so busy.

"We need to stop."

That phrase suddenly slapped me to reality. "Raf?"

"I don't feel like spending my time with you anymore. May nag-iba, Fel."

Guxtong gusto kong tanungin kung ano. What changes did he notice to make him leave me out of the sudden. I stared at his eyes. Expressionless iyon tulad nang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin bago pa kami naging magkaibigan.

"Then kahit pagkakaibigan lang, Raf."

His sharp eyes darted on mine. May galit na roon. Sinasalba ko ang kung anong relasyon namin at siya itong galit? And what the hell did I do? Really?

"Raf."

"Iyong lang ang gusto kong sabihin. And your phone."

"I was looking for it for days. Nasa sa'yo pala yan? Y-you didn't even tell me... Why? Maraming importanteng---" He threw it to the ground. I cupped my mouth in shock.

"Importanteng sikretong hindi dapat ibubunyag, ganoon ba?"

"Raf, what are you talking about? What did I do?"

"Who's Caleb? And still into your fucking ex? You're unbelievable."

"Kaibiga---"

"Wag mo akong gawing tanga!" he growled. Gulat na gulat ako sa inaasal niya.

"Raf---"

"Don't Raf me," he said coldly.

"Anong ginawa kong mali---"

"Lahat nang nangyari ay mali. I shouldn't have taken you to that goddamn hotel. I shouldn't have chosen your company when we're at the island."

"Caleb is---"

"Marami pa akong babae, Fel. Mas maraming deserving sa kama. Exclusively into me."

"Ano sa tingin mo ang ginawa ko? I two-timed?"

"Ikaw ang mas nakakaalam niyan."

"What the hell, Raf? Matapos nang nangyari sa atin? Matapos nang pinagsamahan natin?"

"Don't fucking cry in front of me."

"Ang unfair mo naman. I thought you... You l-liked me... You were... are possessive and---"

"Fuck off, Felicity. You don't tell me what I'm feeling towards you. Huwag mo akong pangunahan." His eyes pierced my chest.

"Pero akala ko---"

"End of discussion. Go back to that Caleb, the bedwarmer of yours."

"Raf! Hindi ako ganun!"

"You proved me wrong."

He rose to his feet and about to leave when I hurried on his back and hugged him. He didn't protest.

"Raf, bago ka umalis---"

"Get off me. I might hurt you, Felicity. Get. Off. Me."

"Mahal kita. Ngayon, nasabi ko na."

"You used me. I used you. We're even. Thanks God I haven't exerted too much effort in you."

"Bakit ang bilis mo?"

"Get off me. I'm begging you because I'm a few minutes of hurting you."

"Hindi mo pa ba ako sinasaktan sa lagay na 'to? How can I make you stay?"

"If you wanted to be my slut forever, then I'm obliged to keep you with me. No feelings. Just fucking."

My arms loosened the grip.

"I'm leaving."

"You're not just a piece to complete me, Raf. You're the lost piece I am searching for a long time. Alam kong nandito ka na." 

"How will you explain it to me?"

"Explain what?" I sobbed.

"Sinong niloloko mo, Fel? Ako o ang sarili mo?"

"Raf---"

"I don't like listening to you when I know you're lying."

Marahas niyang kinalas ang mga braso ko sa kanya. He left me standing, confused and depressed that fast.

Loving someone is not a hobby. Letting go is definitely not a hobby, too. Dapat ay susugal ako. Susugal ba ako kahit alam kong hindi na niya ako mahal? Siya ba si Jacob para pakawalan ko? Magpaparaya na naman ba ako?

Alam kong mahal ako ni Raf but he spilled the beans on my face that I'm just his woman in bed.

But I needed to go after him. Kailangan ko pa rin siyang kausapin. Susugal ako kahit anong mangyari. Mahirap pero kakayanin ko. I'm going to win Rafael Montefalco. I'm going to chase him. I'm going to fall for him even deeper.

Pumara ako ng taxi para pasundan ang kanina pang nakaalis na Porsche ni Raf. Alam kong sa condo niya ito didiretso kaya iyon ang sinabi ko sa driver. Panay pa rin ang punas ko sa pisngi ko dulot ng matinding sakit na sinabi niya sa akin. Kung paano niya sinumbat lahat iyon sa akin ay hindi ko malaman. I believe that it was the product of his anger.

Nagsimula man kami sa isang hindi inaasahang pagkakataon at humahadlang man sa amin ang mga pinsan niya ay mahal ko siya at hinding hindi ko siya bibitawan katulad ng kanyang ginawa. Haharapin ko sina Erin at patutunayang hindi ako ang taong akala nila ay ako. Hindi ako ang babaeng gagamitin lang si Raf. I was attracted at him on the first place.

I cursed as I played back our memories of each other, the romance. I was in the middle of my thoughts when a car from afar started honking. Nang tinignan ko na ngayon ang daan ay maliwanag na headlights na ang makakasalubong namin.

I managed to sob until all went red and black.