I Don't Want to be Alone Anymore

Reminder

His shocked eyes stared into mine, before they became aflamed with anger. He grabbed the collar of my shirt roughly, pulling me up so we were face to face. "You actually think I'm worried about you for my own selfish reasons?!"

I clenched my fists, staring back into his angry eyes. "Yes. Why else would you be? There's absolutely no reason for you to care about me for me. I'm not worth the energy…" I moved my gaze away from his. After a moment he let go of my shirt, but before he could say anything I said, "Can you just...leave?"

"You expect me to just leave after I saw you doing that to yourself?! I-"

"Yes, that's exactly what I want!" I hissed. "Get the hell out of my dorm!" My eyes met his once again, and our gazes held for several moments before he looked away and stalked past me into the building. After he was gone I slowly fell back to the floor, looking at my arms. To my disappointment, they were already healed. I leaned my head back onto the wall, staring up yet again at the sky and the sun beginning to set. When had it gotten so late?

My thoughts wandered back to Bon and I gave an empty sigh. Everytime he was around me I felt surges of emotion, of either sadness or anger or longing, and I didn't know why. Half of me made it want me to be around him more, but the other half wanted him to stay away. I didn't like my emotions, they were confusing and difficult to figure out. I'd rather feel nothing at all, and it was impossible with him around.

I finally got up, feeling exhausted. I walked back into the dorm, shoving my hands into my pockets as I walked towards my room. I looked around, wanting to avoid running into Yukio. I took my time getting back to my room, sitting down on my bed once i got there. I took the knife out of my pocket and let my eyes trace its design once more before opening my desk drawer and laying it gently inside. I closed the drawer and ran my hands through my messy hair. I needed a shower, but I just didn't feel like getting up to get one. I laid down on my back and stared up at the ceiling. Using my toes, I kicked off my shoes. I closed my eyes and took a long breath. Thank god tomorrow was saturday. I didn't think I could find the will to force myself to another long gruelling day at school.

I heard footsteps approaching from down the hall and turned onto my side, pulling the blanket over me to my head. I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep as I heard the door open. It was silent for a moment before the footstep traveled to Yukio's side of the room. I listened as he put his things away and changed. I heard footsteps approach my side of the room and forced myself not to tense. The footsteps stopped with hesitation, before turning away and going back to the opposite of the room. I heard his chair screech across the floor and it creak as he sat down. I listened to the shuffling of paper and the sound of pen scratching against paper for a long amount of time, before the pen was sat down silently. Footsteps walked over to near the door and the light went out. He walked over to his bed and shuffled with the blankets and pillows to get comfortable, and then silence.

What I hadn't saw, however, was the concerned and guilty look on his face as he approached me with hesitation. Then the look of regret crossing across his face before he went back to his own side of the room.

When I woke up the next day bright sunlight was filtering through the windows. I felt a weight on my chest and opened my eyes to see a sleeping Kuro curled up on my chest. I gave a small smile and pet him softly. The sidhe let out a loud purr as his tails began to wag happily. I closed my eyes with a sigh, continuing to pet him.
"Are you okay, Rin?" Kuro's voice made me open my eyes again and I saw Kuro's concerned green eyes staring at me.
I gave a sigh, "Yeah. I'm fine." A familiar lie.
Kuro didn't look convinced but gave me a lick on the cheek before jumping off my chest and stretching. His eyes suddenly perked with interest and he bolted out of the room. I sat up, watching him run out. I gave a weak smile, that's right. Not everyone hated me. I still had Kuro. I looked over to the other side of the room, not being surprised to see Yukio's bed empty. I heard my stomach growl and after a moment decided to get something to eat. I had skipped out on dinner yesterday.

I stood up and stretched with a yawn, before walking out of the room and down to the kitchen. I didn't feel like making anything and looked in the fridge, hoping there was something I could just grab and eat. There wasn't anything. I sighed and closed the fridge. I didn't have much of an appetite right now anyway. I went back to my room, laying back down on my bed and staring at the ceiling. I felt extremely bored and thought about the things I could do, but didn't feel like doing anything. I sighed and just rolled onto my side, closing my eyes.

My lazing around didn't last long when the door opened and Yukio entered the room. "Get up, Rin. We have a mission."