I Don't Want to be Alone Anymore

Rin, Please

Disappointment.

That was the first thing I felt when my eyes opened. Disappointed that the glass hadn't been enough to end my life. The second thing I became aware of was the dull throbbing in my stomach. The third was realizing I wasn't anywhere I was familiar with. I wasn't laying on the ground where I had stabbed myself, and I wasn't in my room. I was in a sitting up position on a soft, comfy bed. I was propped up by some pillows, and a constant beeping rhythm filled the room. The walls were a baby blue, and the floor was white tile with small flecks of color, and the ceiling plain white. The beeping noise was coming from my left, and I looked over to see a heart monitor, a heart line going across the screen. A cord connected to the bottom of the machine and lead over to me. It ended over the left side of my chest. In the same arm on that side was a needle inserted into my vien in the crook of my elbow. There was also an air mask over my face, connected to the machine next to the heart monitor. I was in a hospital, most likely. 'Bon must've called an ambulance...goddammit.'

My attention went to the door to my right as I heard it creak open. Yukio's tall figure entered the room. Our eye's met for a single moment before I looked away, trying to ignore how tired he looked.

"Rin...you're awake." His voice was full of relief.

"Unfortunately." I muttered under my breath and slumped down further into the pillows. His footsteps resounded through the room before the stopped as he pulled a chair over next to the bed and sat down. I kept my gaze away from his, wishing he'd just get up and leave me alone. I was in no mood for his damn lectures, his anger and hate. I was past my limit. I just wanted to be over. I just can't.

"...Did you really try to kill yourself?" He asked quietly.

I sighed at his question and reached up to pull the mask off my face so I could talk, though on second thought I should've just kept it on as an excuse to not have to talk to him. Oh well. I replied to his question anyway, "I stabbed myself with a piece of glass. If you want to consider it a suicide attempt, then go ahead." I shrugged.

"You stabbed a very sharp object into a vital organ, Rin! How could that not-"

"I get it, okay! I'm stupid and selfish and annoying and you can't stand me. You're probably just upset because it was just a suicide attempt and that I didn't actually die." I snapped.

"That's not true!" He protested, grabbing my arm. A growl rose in my throat and I pulled it away from him.

"Oh, bullshit!" I hissed. "You've said it enough times!" I glared at the far wall, still refusing to look at him. My fingers clutched the blanket over me tightly, and yet again I craved to have my knife in hand.

"Rin..." His voice was soft, "Please look at me..." I kept my gaze away. His hand reached out to lay ontop of mine and I quickly moved it away. He easily responded to my movement and grabbed it firmly. I began to tense up. "Rin. Please." After a moment I finally gave in and looked at him, determined to keep an angry look on my face. It quickly disappeared however when I saw his face. His eyes were red, and the rims around them were puffy from what had to be crying. There were dark bags under them as well. His hair was mess, messier than he usually ever let it get and he just looked so...tired. His eyes were swirling with guilt, regret, anger...he looked like he was on the verge of starting to cry again. "Rin...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..." Thats when he did begin to cry.

"Hey... c'mon now... don't cry..." I reached my freehand over to wipe them off his cheeks. No matter what he said to me, and no matter how stupid he made me feel sometimes, I hated seeing him upset. I really didn't like to see him cry. I would start to get protective and wanted to destroy whatever made him upset. Which, I realized, at this point was me.