𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬: 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐊𝐇𝐈

18. | P L A Y I T O F F

C H A P T E R | EIGHTEEN
PLAY IT OFF

𝙰 𝙸 𝙺 𝙾 𝙷 𝙰 𝙼 𝙸 𝙻 𝚃 𝙾 𝙽

IT was days like this that he was supposed to be there to chase away. He was supposed to be the knight in shinning armor - - the perfect man - - the one she was so hopelessly devoted to and endlessly in love with; the one that was completely unlike her parent's soiled marriage. Well, he got one thing right out of that entire equation - - she was hopeless and endlessly in love with him but he couldn't say the same for her. That truth was what drove her insane at times and made her do the things that her father had spent thousands of dollars on in rehab so that she WOULDN'T do it.

She refused to tell her father about the truth behind she and Carter - - that he used her whenever he pleased and that she was nothing more to him than a fly on his shirt, pesky, annoying, and hungry for him. No, she couldn't tell Daddy that because she had dignity and pride and who in their right mind - - even if they were crazy like Aiko - - would want to admit to some shit like that? She loved him too much to get rid of him, and that was the truth.

Aiko had gotten to France quickly on an express flight because she had a photoshoot, go sees, and fashion shows to do while on her mini-French tour. First Paris, and then Milan. However, she was feeling a bit under the weather this time around and was highly irritated by the fact that since Carter's visit at her apartment in New York, he hadn't called and she hadn't seen him. She tried reaching out to him but as usual he ignored her attempts to get in contact with him and she knew what he was doing.

She told herself that she couldn't get so hung up in this - - she had to be on the runway again in less than five minutes and she didn't have time to worry about him. Even so, she still couldn't get her mind off of him and why he continued to treat her the way that he did. Men were often like little chess pieces to her - - she could give a shit about them but Carter she couldn't feel the same way with.

She actually wanted him, she wanted a relationship and she wanted him to realize that his wife just wasn't woman enough for him; she wanted him to be real with himself and see that no other woman could please him the way that she did and that no other woman would ever be her. Why didn't he see that? Why couldn't he realize that she was the one that was supposed to wear the ring and that she was the one that was supposed to see his face every morning when they woke up? She hadn't slept a night with Carter and woke up to see his face - - he was always gone after he came over and got what he wanted.

He didn't know that every time he walked out that door he took a little bit of her with him. Then he wondered why she acted so crazy and did the things she did - - because she was slowly losing each bit of herself whenever he blew through like a hurricane and blew away leaving her with the damage. Now it seemed that there was nothing but damage left.

As she lay there on the floor of the bathroom in her designer pumps and beautiful Yves Saint Laurent mint colored gown that she was supposed to be wearing out on the runway, she felt so low. Aiko felt like nothing and she felt like she was nowhere.

Her hands clutched the toilet bowl as she closed her eyes and coughed for the millionth time and thought she was about to deliver a lung. She was insecure about her weight the minute she looked in the mirror, upset about Carter not speaking to her, and stressed out because she didn't know if he'd ever come back and if she'd have the strength enough to walk out and do the show. So, she did what she always did - - threw up what she had for breakfast and promised herself she wouldn't have lunch.