famous last words | s. crosby

14; bump in the road

"I think that's the last of it," I said, placing the last cardboard box down into the living room. There wasn't much stuff. Clothes, mostly, but I had brought a few little pictures and decorations. Many boxes and backaches later, we were done and my boxes were scattered around the house.

We'd made it back to Pittsburgh a few days after we'd planned and begun moving almost as soon as we got there. Sid was leaving to Toronto for the World Cup of Hockey in a few weeks; I had decided to look for some kind of work as a figure skating coach. I couldn't just sit around all day.

Sid and I both collapsed into the soft welcome of the couch cushions. I rested my head against his shoulder, just listening to his breathing. I was almost asleep when he put his hand on my thigh and used it as a crutch to stand up, "I'm going to run to the store to grab dinner. Have anything specific in mind?"

"No, but could you pick up some orange juice? I need it for smoothies and mimosas. Y'know. To celebrate the move."

With a quiet chuckle, he nodded and went on to the store. I wrapped myself in one of the blankets piled on the floor and flipped open my laptop to start advertising the whole coaching gigs. When I saw the date plastered on my screen, a thought popped into my head causing, my heart sunk.

It was August 31, 2016. I had missed two months.

Usually, it wasn't the most scheduled thing. Because of training I had been doing, I'd miss a few here-and-there, so one missed didn't faze me. But I had missed two and I knew, deep down it wasn't just late.

I freaked out. I didn't want to tell Sid; he was leaving in literally a twenty-four hours to captain Team Canada for the World Cup. He already had enough things to think about. Plus, I didn't even know if everything was solidified or not. It could just be me, in typical Elliott fashion, overthinking it. Overthinking or not, I'd still take a test and tell him when the time was right.

I wrote Sid a note, just in case he'd gotten back home before me. I told him I had forgotten something back in the apartment, but I'd be home ASAP. It wasn't entirely a lie. I drove to a CVS, immediately going for the pregnancy tests. I bought three and didn't even wait to get home to test; I nearly ran to the CVS bathroom.

I found myself crying in a CVS bathroom.

I wasn't ready for this. This wasn't part of the plan.    

•••

"I'm going to miss you, y'know. We haven't really been a part since playoffs and even then—" I let out  sigh as I pushed around the last few bites of pasta on my plate.

"Hey, I'll call you every night. Plus, I've got you tickets for one of the games. You can fly out and fly back in a day and I'll be home before you know it." He mumbled, a mouth half-full of pasta, "Oh, babe, are you going to make the mimosas tonight? I got the orange juice."

My heart jumped into my throat. "Uh, wow, uh, you know what? I actually don't feel that well, uh, all of a suddenly and, uh, yeah, I think I'm just gonna head up to bed." I quickly gathered my dishes and began carrying them over to the sink before Sid could intervene.

"El, are you sure? You seemed fine a few—"

"No, no, don't worry, I'm fine. I'm just tired." I reassured him, nodding my head. He looked at me like I'd grown a third eye, but didn't put up a fight.

"Alright, babe, I'll get the dishes and be right up."

I felt bad for not telling him, but I had no clue how to say it. I couldn't force myself to admit it. If anyone could help, it'd be him. He was a part of this situation, too, and he did deserve to know. Sid was great with kids, but we've never really discussed anything, never really had that conversation. We'd only been seeing each other for around six months. Everything was too soon. I didn't know how he'd take to it.

Before I knew it, he walked into the room finish packing. My hands shaking, I pulled the tests out of my purse and without saying anything, I laid them out on the bed. I let him figure it out. I couldn't say the words.

"What is this?" He asked, a look of shock and near-confusion on his face.

"Read it." I replied, refusing to make eye contact in fear I'd reveal the tears welling in my eyes.

Sid stared down at the tests. The room went quiet.

He walked over to me, pulling me into a tight bear hug in his arms, "You know, if this is some sort of joke, I feel like this is an appropriate time to tell me because if not—"

"If not?" 

"If not, I'm about to be the happiest guy in North America." Sid laughed, rubbing circles on my back before pulling away and placing a hand on my stomach. "God, this is crazy. I can't believe this. It's all so sudden."

"Yeah, tell me about it." I sighed, "What if I can't do this?" I asked, the tears falling left and right now. I was shaking.

Pushing the hair out of my face, he kissed my forehead, "You can do this, I know you. Any choice you make, wether it be getting rid of it or keeping it, I fully support. I've got your back, babe." His voice reassured me, the calming tone soothing my sobs, "Have you made a doctor's appointment?"

I nodded, wiping another tear from my eye. "It's tomorrow at 11."

"I'll book another flight. I would want to miss that."

"No, Sid, you don't have to. I'll be fine."

"I don't have to, but I want to. Family comes before work. You can love the job, but you can't take your job to bed with you." He laughed, running his fingers through my hair, "I love you so much, El."

"I love you, too."