Skulduggery Pleasant Spoof: The Holiday

Chapter Five: Sanguine and Scorch

Scorch and Sanguine sat looking at each other from across the coffee table. The Hellhound couldn’t believe that Valkyrie would leave him with… him.

Sanguine looked at Scorch and sighed. He couldn’t believe that Valkyrie had entrusted him with… him.

Finally Sanguine broke the silence. “Want some breakfast?” He asked in that Southern drawl of his.

“Finally, I thought you were never going to feed me and I was going to have to feed myself.”

Sanguine nodded and had a bad feeling that when Scorch had said ‘feed myself’ that he meant ‘killing the psychotic hit-man in his sleep. To say the least, the Texan did not feel like becoming Hellhound Chow anytime soon.

So he got up and walked into his kitchen, Scorch at his heels.

Sanguine opened his fridge and grabbed a package of bacon. Scorch licked his lips, his mouth watering.

Sanguine put the bacon on the pan and soon the entire room was filled with the scent of bacon. He took the bacon and lied it on his plate, then put it down on his table and over to where Scorch’s food bowl was and filled it up with Hellhound Chow.

Scorch gaped as Sanguine happily sat down at the table and picked up a piece of bacon. He looked up and saw Scorch staring at him in shock. “Bon appetite,” Sanguine gestured at the bowl of dry food.

“Aren’t you going to feed me some bacon?”

Sanguine looked at him. “No. You have your food, I have mine. Everyone’s happy.”

“But Valkyrie always feeds me bacon when she makes it.”

“Yeah well, the little lady gave me specific orders to feed you that special food; she did not in anyway, say anything about feeding you my well-earned bacon.”

“You earn that bacon by killing people, I’d hardly call that ‘well-earned.’”

“Hey! It takes a lot of smarts and energy to kill someone. I still haven’t figured out how to your mistress though. She’s a tough one she is.”

Scorch began to growl, Hellhounds weren’t called the world’s best protectors for nothing.

“Heh, I was just kiddin’. Nice Hellhound, nice-”

Sanguine was cut off by Scorch lunging at his throat.

“GIVE ME THE BACON!!!!!”

“NO!!!!!!!!!!”

Sanguine snatched his plate of bacon off the table and bolted for the door. Scorch in close pursuit.

Yes, Scorch is my Hellhound character from my other story 'Skulduggery Pleasant Spoof: Valkyrie's New Pet.' I don't know why, but I just felt like including him. XD