Twins.

Chapter 18

❀Ryan's POV❀

Month 3 || Day 26

I need to make a decision. I keep telling myself what's right but is it what I want? This doesn't make sense. At least I don't think it does. How do I get out of this without leaving anyone hurt? Is that possible? I just... dang it. Alyssa she's, she's out of this world. Beautiful, sweet, smart and she really has something going for her. Then there's Alicia. She's not perfect but something about her always drags me back. She's different from the ordinary girl. She's special to me. When she smiles, it's like she only sees me. When she laughs, bells start to ring in my head. Maybe she is perfect. What else? She doesn't take crap from anyone and that's just amazing. When she talks to me, I find myself lost for words. And when she enters a room? I can't seem to figure out how everyone isn't breathless. Maybe I'm... no that's not it. But I think...well.. I think I may be in love. But I can't. She'll never forgive me anyways. Besides what about Alyssa? What do I say? Yeah babe by the way I'm in love with someone else and I think we should see other people. That'll never sink in her brain. I have to do something though. I can't keep doing this to her. I'll figure it out. Till next time.

I threw the old journal in my old backpack. I spent the night at Alicia's. Chloe is at my house and under the very protective supervision of my mother. I'm glad I finally told them. I feel a lot more free now. I push myself off the guest bed (a.k.a. the couch) and put a clean pair of sweats on. My stomach was grumbling so I figured I'd order some pizza while I was here. I grabbed an apple from the fridge and checked my phone for any messages.

Mom: Still can't believe you took so long to tell me... she's so adorable.
Mom: Btw, take your time. She's in great hands.
Me: ha ha love ya mom. What's Chanel up to?
Mom: She went with Jordan to grab some new things for her room.

Huh would you believe that. She's getting herself out of the house. Jordan was always my favorite friend of hers. Alicia's name pops up on the screen of my phone.

Alicia: Hungry?
Me: Just ordered pizza
Alicia: Cool. Be there soon.

Since my family and I are here to help with Chloe now, Alicia's been making up high school classes over the weekends. I really messed it up for her and here she was still figuring it out for herself. Takes a lot of heart.

I'm wandering around the house trying to find something to do when a knock on the door brings me back to the front of the house. Pizza here already? That was quick. I open the door to find Alyssa, who looks so awful words cannot explain. It looked like she'd been crying for days.

"You asshole!!" she half screams at me, tears rebuilding in the corners of her eyes, "I've been worried sick about you! Why the hell haven't you been answering my calls?" Seriously I've been nothing but good to you Ryan I don't deserve this bullshit." She breaks down, falling to her knees. I hadn't realized I'd been unintentionally avoiding her. All the time spent with Alicia, Chloe, and Chanel, I wasn't sure I had any more females to worry about.

My heart stings a little as she sits there crying. At the moment, I'm not exactly sure what to do or what kind of emotion to show. My instincts overcome my thoughts as I reach down and pull her up by her waist. She doesn't look at me and she stumbles to stand, putting her hand on her forehead, fanning her face. I pull her into a hug but she stays still, not responding to my embrace. I pull away and shake my head, not knowing how to react. I open the door more to let her inside but she continues to stand there, her tears beginning to subside. She finally looks up at me with her bloodshot eyes and sniffles.