SOTUS : MY MUSE

LONELY CHAPTER 2

'It's raining, P'

It rained the whole day when they buried his 'sun'. It was such a change from the weeks of perfect weather, and Arthit as a quintessential pluviophile – he found peace in the rain. Kongpob smiled weakly as he remembered how frequent Arthit had mentioned how they needed a good, all day rain storms to force them inside where they could snuggle together on the sofa and just listen to the drops fall.

Contradict to his 'sun', Kongpob hated the rain. He hated getting wet. He hated when his soaked clothes stuck to his skin and the dripping cold water ran down into his socks. He hated the sloshing inside his shoes, and the way they never completely dried. But as much as he hated the rain, he was a pluviophile for Arthit.

He loved Arthit, and the rain made his muse happy.

That day, that particular day Kongpob stood beside Arthit's casket beside his open grave and waited in the rain. He waited while the mourners paid their respects. He waited while everyone hugged and cried. He waited until the final acquaintance had wondered somberly away. He waited until they lowered Arthit into the ground, and even after there was nothing left to witness, he waited until nightfall, when the clouds parted and the stars came out. His mother-in-law returned a little before midnight in search of his missing son-in-law, but Kongpob still refused to leave. "P'Arthit...he's not used to be alone, mom. I can't leave him" Arthit's mom holds and gently caressed his hands "Thanks you, son. For loving my Arthit, for giving him a beautiful purpose to live on this world. He was happy. I witnessed his happiness" Arthit's mom said while holding her own tears. Kongpob looked up at the sky "It's so dark, mom... so dark without my 'sun'". His mother-in-law hugged his body, Kongpob can feel her body shaking from crying. "Don't kill him twice, Kong... let him live in our heart, remember all loving word he said to you as good memories. He loved you, he won't be happy to leave you if you're like this"

At some point Kongpob finally convinced himself that Arthit wasn't going to magically return, so he took his mother-in-law's hand and let himself be led away from his husband forever. Kongpob's forehead burned with fever by the time Aim got him back to the little summer house that was no longer a home, but Kongpob wouldn't let Aim stay. His father was not able to accompany Kongpob as he replacing Kongpob to manage the company. As much as Aim want to take care of Kongpob in the end he didn't have the strength to battle Kongpob's grief, and he left the man alone.

Kongpob walked heavily the dark house, straight out back to the patio, struck by a morbid sense of déjà vu. He sat down heavily on the wicker chaise and looked up at the clear sky, but his vision of the stars was obscured by something shiny hanging just a few feet above his head. His heart stopped for a while.

The light fixture.

The stupid track lighting.

Kongpob gazed up and focusing at it in shock as it dangled on its two screws.

The fixture was here, perfect and installed except for one damn screw, but because of it, his muse was dead.

Kongpob snapped. He became restless. He looked around in a panic, spotting an abandoned hoe over by the retaining wall, not a few feet from where Arthit had fallen. Kongpob grabbed it, and with a renewed vigor, he attacked the lights.

"God damned mother fucking lights!" he screamed. "What the fuck did we need these for, P?? Why did you have to put them up when I asked you to wait!! Why didn't you wait, P' ? Why couldn't you just sit on your fucking ass and wait!?"

The sound of the hoe hitting the lights and the brick behind it resonated. The force caused the gardening implement to vibrate painfully in Kongpob's hands, but he only tightened his grip and struck harder.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it. Why did you have to put up these God damned lights!" Kongpob shattered the bulbs sending a spray of fine glass particle falling all over his hair and clothes "I told you to wait! I told you I'd do it! I didn't need the lights! I need you, P'!!!!" He destroyed the lights, and managed to chip a good portion of the brick out of the wall as well. H walked clumsily back into the house, rifling through the cabinets for a bottle of whiskey, tossing aside already empty bottles until his hand came in contact with one that felt mostly full, and he pulled it down.

Kongpob's first urge was to toss the bottle up against the wall after finished it. He looked around him for an open space to toss it when he caught sight of the paintings. A brand new of painting he had started working on - all of them featuring his muse...all of them featuring Arthit. He took along swig of the whiskey to steady his nerves and with his body burning hot and fire in his veins, he grabbed up the paintings, every last one he could find. He carried them outside, dropping them into an undignified pile on the bare earth. He doused them all with the whiskey, fisting his hand as the golden liquid violated the paint, in some cases causing it to bleed down the canvas. When the bottle was just about drained, he rummaged through his pockets for his silver Zippo. He flipped it open with a click, a small orange flame springing to life. Kongpob tossed the lighter into the pile. The flame barely touched the heap before the whole thing went up in a blaze.

"There P' " Kongpob said bitterly, his throat raw from screaming and alcohol, "was it worth it? Were the Goddamned lights worth it? It's done. All of it. No more muse...no more you...no more paintings. I'm done."

Kongpob slowly drained the rest of the whiskey while he watched the love of his life and all of his work devoured by flame.

A/N : Hi... Thank you for visiting this story. This is my first time for doing this. Is it boring? Is it wordy? Do leave comments so that I can improve. I have several ideas for my next fanfiction. However, I will focusing on finishing this story first. My deepest apologies for the angst of this story, but I'm promise the reader won't be regret reading fanfiction as both of character will find a happy ending together.