The Pain of Loving Her

Chapter 3

***Self-harm***

Shit. I roll over and my arm is on fire. I turn the light on and I see my puffy, red wrist. I get out of bed and get dressed. I throw on a jacket too even though its September. I don't know what I am going to do at golf later today. We have a match so I have to where short sleeves. I guess I am going to do by best to not draw any attention to it. It's not like it was a bunch of cuts. Just a row of three but still. I don't know why I did it. It was so stupid that's not going to solve anything but then again it made me feel good.  

"Lexa, your going to be late hurry up," my mom shouts from the kitchen. Okay I say and rush out of my room and quickly prepare myself for the school day. Luckily, I don't care much about my appearance. I don't put on make up and my hair is always pulled back. This saves me lots of time. Before I know it its time for me to rush outside. My brother, Lincoln, is already at the bus stop. We both board the bus and he goes to the back and I sit in the front. He is somewhat popular so I guess he doesn't what his nerdy, anti-social sister ruining his reputation.

Once I get to school I go up the stairs to my locker. I'm greeted by Ontari. "So Lex, you ready for today?"

"Yep. So ready. Hopefully, we kick ass."

"We definitely will. I mean as long as Emori and Octavia don't screw around the whole time. They really get on my nerves and they are never focused. It's so annoying. Plus, Octavia showed up hung over to the match on Saturday. Did you notice that? My dad should kick her off the team but he can't because then we won't have a full team."

"Yea. I did notice that. I don't think they will screw it up though. I mean they are having fun and that's what this sport is suppose to be."

"No. We need to win  we can't let the other team beat us. My scholarship is on the line." She never stops talking about that stupid scholarship. Its not even to a Division I school so I don't know why she cares. I just shrug in reply and turn to walk down stairs.

As I reach the bottom step I see a familiar figure. It's Clarke. Shit. Shit. Shit. After that realization I made last night I decided that I would ignore her. I also really upset her last night so she won't want to talk to me anyways. I just stay behind her until she enters her class and then I walk normally to mine.

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  Lunch has been pretty awkward so far. It's only been like ten minutes but it feels like forever. I stare at my phone pretending that I have other people I talk to. Clarke is talking to Raven and Monty.

"Lexa, why are you being so quite?" Monty asked me.

Before I can say anything Clarke answers with, "She has been ignoring be all day. So don't expect her to reply."

"Nothing is wrong really. I just feel like being quite," I say looking only at Monty. Out of the corner of my eye I see that Clarke has a pissed look on her face. She immediately picks up her phone and starts typing. She is probably telling Finn about what a bitch I am. That is such a her thing to do.

"So why aren't you talking to Clarke?" Monty asks.

"I just have nothing to say to her that's all."

"Well that's just really mature, Lexa. I really would like to know why I am being ignored." Clarke stormed off.

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It is now after seventh period and I see Clarke in the hallway. Before I can stop myself I say "Clarke, I'm sorry for today. Something happened and I just took it out on you."

"Then tell me what happened," Clarke replied.

"I can't. Well not just yet. I will but not right now."

"Well tell me when you are ready. I'm here for you no matter how awful or stupid it may be," With that I walk to Octavia's truck and hop inside to ride to golf.

"Everything okay man?" Octavia asks.

"Yep. Just peachy."

"Sure seems like it."

"It is. Just a bit nervous about the Conference match this weekend."

"Really? You will be fine. It's not like it matters anyways."

"I guess that's true," with that we just ride the rest of the way listening to music.

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The match went okay I guess. I mean no one saw my wrist and I shot better than normal. I am at my desk watching Orange is the New Black and attempting some AP chemistry, when a messages pops up on my phone.

Clarke: Lexa

Me: Clarke

Clarke: I can't take this anymore what is going on.

Me: I don't think I can tell you. I want to but I don't know how. It was just something stupid.

It's not even ten seconds later that I am getting a call from Clarke. I answer and all she says is "Lexa, please talk to me."