what you need | the weeknd

twenty four

Amara

"Honey, take your feet off the table," my mum tells me. I take my feet off the table and she gives me a sympathetic look. She sits beside me and puts an arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to her. "I'm so sorry for your loss."

I gulp, feeling a lump form in my throat when I remember a memory from yesterday.

"Are you sure you want to go through with the abortion?" the doctor asks.

I look at her a long time. Abel's words echo in my mind over and over again. "Youre having my baby, remember?" The words sicken me. The way he said it, it was so threatening and scary - I knew that the only way I can escape him was by having this abortion. Otherwise, he'd be practically stalking my ass day in day out, wanting to see his kid. I just couldn't handle that.

I clear my throat. "Yes," I answer now, digging my fingernails into my palms. There's no way I'm going to have this baby - Abel's baby. The guy's a freak.  Just because he had some kind of vendetta against my dad doesn't mean he had to target me and use me to get to my dad. I still feel sick thinking about it.

"Okay," the doctor says. She pushes me a white pill and I pop it in my mouth and take a sip of water, swallowing them both together.

As soon as I swallow the pill, it feels like something inside me dies, but it can't have worked that quick - it takes a couple of hours to work.

"You will experience bleeding and . . ." the doctor starts to explain the side effects, but I zone out. "Amara?"

I snap out of it and look at her, eyebrows raised. "Sorry?" I ask.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

I smile and nod. "I'm fine," I say, trying to make it sound believable.

She squints and nods her head. "Okay," she says. "I was just saying if you're feeling unwell, come to the hospital. Is there anyone you can stay with?"

"Yes, my mum," I answer and she smiles.

"Thanks, Mum," I say now. "And thank you for letting me stay here." I chose to come here only because it's as far as I can get away from both Abel and my dad. I don't want to see either them for a long time. And plus, I need my mum right now more than ever - even if she doesn't know the full story.

"It's the least I could do, honey," she tells me, stroking my hair. "I wasn't there for you when you lost Calvin, but I'm here now, okay? I want to make it up to you."

I smile at her. "And you are," I say softly, leaning my head on her shoulder. "I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time after Calvin died." Tears start falling down my cheeks and my mum hugs me tightly and kisses the top of my head. I start crying harder and curl myself into a little ball. My mum makes me put my head in her lap and she strokes my hair. It's comforting. "I wish he was still here," I whisper, more to myself then to her. "Maybe none of this would be happening." She doesn't say anything and in a way, I'm glad she doesn't because what is there for her to say?

"Honey," she says slowly. "Does Abel know you had a miscarriage?"

The word 'miscarriage' brings a bitter taste to my mouth. My body shakes and she strokes my cheek. I hate that I lie to her, but I just couldn't deal with all the questions she'd ask me.

I have to tell her the truth, I realise. It's selfish of me to make her feel bad for me and make her think that she lost her grandchild.

I sniff and get up and look at her. "No, he doesn't," I say quietly. "Neither does Dad. But, Mum, I need to tell you something. Please don't get mad at me."

She frowns. "Why would I get mad?" she wants to know.

My heart thumps against my chest and my throat goes dry. "I - I," I stutter. I breathe in and out slowly before speaking again. "I lied to you - I didn't have a miscarriage. I had an abortion." I suck in my breath and wait for her response.

Her eyes grow wide. She looks from my face to my belly. "What?" she shrieks. "Why?"

"It's a long story," I say, wiping away the remaining tears. "But it was the only choice I had. I just realised that I didn't want a baby anymore. It was my choice and I'm . . . I'm happy with it." I ignore the tug at my heart.

My mum nods, studying me silently. "I support whatever decision you make, Amara," she says and I nod and thank her. "So, how long are you planning on staying in Seattle for?"

"Ouch, you want me gone already?" I ask jokingly.

"Of course not!" my mum exclaims. "I want to show you around the city. Do you . . . Are you up for that?"

I nod and smile. "Yeah, that'll be nice," I say.

My mum's phone starts ringing and she looks at it, frowning. She looks from the phone to me. "It's your dad," she says.

I lean back against the sofa, raking a hand through my hair. He's been calling the past two days on both my phone and my mum's. Abel's called me too - multiple times. In the end, I got annoyed and switched off my phone completely. God knows how many missed calls and texts there are from the both of them.

"Just ignore it," I tell my mum.

"Amara, he's worried," she replies. "He's probably going out of his mind - both him and Abel."

"I don't give a fuck about either of them!" I snap. I get up and storm out the living room. "I'm going to shower."

Abel

I take a long swig out of the bottle I'm drinking from. I scroll through a couple of pictures of Amara through my phone. She looks so beautiful in every single photo. Our daughter is going to be beautiful, just like her - that's if we have a girl.

My vision goes blurry with tears and I wipe them away quickly. I take another swig from the bottle and dial Amara's number. It goes straight to voicemail.

I let out a frustrated sound. I know Amara hates me right now and will probably hate me for a long time, but I need to know that she's okay - that both her and my child are okay.

Even her dad doesn't know if she's okay - he called me asking me where she was and I told him I didn't know and that we had an argument. Of course, he wanted to know the details of our argument but I didn't tell him and I honestly thought that Amara would have told him.

Someone knocks at the door, but I ignore it, continuing to drink. This is what I've been doing for the past two days. I just don't know how to function. I love Amara, I can't live without her. The knocking gets louder.

"Fuck!" I snap, getting up and going to the door. I almost trip over something. My fingers fumble when I try to open the door, but in the end I manage to get it open. I blink a couple of times, trying to adjust my eyes. I realise that it's Amara's dad. "Mr King?" I ask, confused. "What are you doing here? Amara's not here."

He looks me up and down and I shift uncomfortably on my feet. I probably look like crap. I haven't showered for the past two days. All I've been doing is drinking and drinking and drinking. "I know where Amara is," he says, eyes focused on the bottle in my hand.

The mention of Amara's name makes my heart jump. I hold the door open for him and he steps inside. For the first time, I can actually smell how foul it smells from all the alcohol and blunts I've had. "Where is she?" I ask, trying not to slur the words.

"She's with her mum," he answers. "In Seattle."

I sigh. "Thank God she's okay," I say.

"There's something else," Amara's dad says and I frown.

"What is it?" I want to know.

He looks at me carefully. He squeezes his eyes shut and lets put a huge sigh, rubbing his temple. His eyes open again and he looks at me sympathetically. "Amara had an abortion."