muse

the shadow days

Muse,

I cannot say for certain when I first gained your respect. I imagine, based on past experience alone, that it was much sooner than I would ever dare to guess. All I know is that I have it now, but the first time I realized this was weeks ago. A year after I'd met you was the first time you explicitly told me where I stood with you. That gave me a whole lot to write about, but so did the shadow days. This is why, out of all the secret muses I've had, you are still the very best. I don't think you realize how much I respect you, or how much I admire you (in the least romantic way possible).

The shadow days were the ones where you honestly didn't know my name. The ones where I was still horribly acne ridden, and trying too hard, too obviously. I'd like to think I'm a little less open now, especially around you. But on the days you ask, I sometimes want to answer. I cannot remember ever answering you fully and completely when it comes to delicate questions, or stories I want to tell you. However, I'm sure that the stories would be too long and too personal for your open ear. I wouldn't want to scare you away, when I tried so hard to keep you close.

Should you ever drift away....

Carrillo.