Secretly in Love

Entry 6 - "I don't wanna drink anymore."

I woke up wearing the same clothes from yesterday. My head hurts a lot and I feel like vomiting. I opened my eyes and tried to find the strength to get up and go to the bathroom. 

Last thing I remember, I asked Perseus to drink with me last night sa malapit na bar. Memories from last night are too fuzzy, I don't have any idea kung paano ako nakauwi. 

I found water on my bedside table and some medicine for hang-over. I drank it and went to the bathroom. 

"Mahal na mahal ko yung lalaking 'yun." I said loudly. The noise from the bar is making me shout so the guy infront of me can hear everything I'm saying. 

"Pero ano? Wala siyang alam. Wala siyang pake. Manhid siya. Manhid!!!" I continued sounding angry. I can feel the alcohol's spirit eating me. Wala na akong pakialam sa kung anuman ang sabihin ko. I'm mad and hurt right now. 

"Why didn't you tell him about your feelings, then? Well, to be honest, most of us guys are somehow stupid. We don't assume unless we are told. We don't wanna jump into conclusions right away so most of the time, we don't know." Perseus told me while stopping me from pouring another drink. "Hey, tama na 'yan. Lasing ka na." 

"So what does he want me to do? Sabihin sakanya nararamdaman ko? HELLLOOOO! Babae kaya ako! Why would I be the one who has to do the first move, ha?!" I drank another glass of tequila and squealed because of the strong taste. 

"I agree with you. But you were torturing yourself by waiting for someone na hindi ka naman sure if he really has feelings for you. So, truth be told, you lose in this while on the other hand, he doesn't have an ounce of idea how you really feel."

"Panget ba 'ko?! Masama ba ugali k-ko? " I grabbed both of his shoulders and looked at him in the eye. My eyesight is already blurry I cannot really see him. I cannot even think straight.

"You're the prettiest, Lorraine. I know that for a fact. And you have to keep that in mind. I would be the luckiest guy in the world if  I were Landon. He's stupid for not making a move to get you. If it was me..." 

"W-what?" I asked him feeling more nauseous. 

"I like you." 

I giggled. "Jongmal?!" (Korean for "is that true?" 

"Yes, Lorraine."

I am still holding him by the shoulders.

"Then kiss me.." 

"What the fudge is that? What the fudge is that?" I froze.

Ano yung naalala ko na yun? Was that a dream? 

I slapped myself. It freaking hurt. 

You know when you're confused if something really happened or it was just one of your dreams?

That's exactly how I feel right now.

But what if.... what if... did he kiss me? Oh my God, naalala ko yung ibang bagay pero yung pinakaimportante sa lahat eh hindi ko maalala!! 

I felt my cheeks burn. Ano na lang mukhang ihaharap ko kay Perseus?!

"KISS ME?! KISS ME?! Ang landi landi mo oh my gosh!!" Dinuru-duro ko sarili ko sa salamin.

Ughhhhh. What if we really kissed? Ano na lang magiging tingin sakin ni Perseus? Easy girl? Nooooooooooooooooo! This is not happening, right? No no no no.

Well, no matter how many times I convinced myself that it wasn't real, the truth still slapped me hard on the face. 

One thing is not for certain. Yes not. I don't have any memory of our kiss, if there is.