running from life

I Just Want To Be Okay

Okay so here is the 1st chapter its really bad, but it'll get better after all the backround is out of the way!!! the picture to the side is "Nikki" or Krissy all changed after she ran away... feedback is helpful and comments to see if anyone is even going to read this. if not i'll loose intrest as well!!!! thanksXDanie<33

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Sitting here on a rock I gaze out on the ocean. The sky is streaked with pink, purple, and orange as the sun sets on the horizon. It's perfect here. This is what I've always wanted. I run my hand through my now red hair. I had to change completely so that no one could find me. I always wore contacts but now they have a dark brown coloring to conceal my bright blue eyes. My curls are permanently straightened out. I like my hair now, but I sometimes find myself wishing for my brown curls. I wear nude make up every day to hide my skin tone. I've even changed my name. This has all become a hassle. To stay in this place, this place that I love, I have to do it. As im watching the waves crash against the shore I think back on those last months at home.

FLASHBACK

I walk into school with Rose at my side talking about everything and absolutely nothing. Rose is one of my best friend even if we fight. She always seems to go after the guys I like. She gets them too. I guess I'm just not pretty enough. We go to her homeroom to drop off her bags and then to mine to see if we can grab Jesse. I've known Jesse since 2nd grade when he moved to town. He has dark hair, fair skin and light green eyes. Not the green I prefer but it's pretty. He is my best guy friend. When I walk in he is there waiting for me. I put down my bags and leave expecting them to follow; they do. As we are walking down the hall we meet up with Aaron and Crystal. Aaron is tall with light brown hair and dark brown eyes. He's not very confident and Crystaland I are two of the three people that know why; he's gay. Closeted, but still gay. He is one of my best friends. If you are homophobic: FUCK OFF. He is the sweetest guy in the world. Crystal is smaller than me, being only 5'1", she's so tiny! She has dirty blonde hair and grey eyes. We aren't super close, but we are close enough. We go up to our corner where we meet Shyanne. Shy is probably my most trusted friend at this school. She is the sweetest girl. She never shit talks but if you need to vent she will listen to every word and give you advice without judging. She has natural perfect blonde, strait hair and blue eyes. Her voice is soft and trilling like a child's, but it just fits her. She is the only one in our group that has a long term relationship going on. We all hate the guy she is with. He's just a jerk and a bad guy. Steve is corrupting our Shy! This is their third time trying to make it work and this time I am trying to be supportive because I love her, but its Steve.. ew.. So its difficult. Finally Nate walks over and we are all here. He has fluffy coffee colored hair and huge brown eyes that I love. Okay, so sometime I question the state of my feelings toward Nate. Everyone is talking and I just space glad to be away from home. And hope my little brother and sister are alright. I had to leave them with Her. Every day I dread going home because I'm afraid I'll find them hurt or worse. It's not fair.

I just want to be okay.

END OF FLASHBACK

I hate thinking about my friends it makes me really sad knowing I can't ever see them again. I feel in my tummy that sad sinking feeling you get right before you cry. But I don't cry, I haven't cried since the day I turned 14. I cried myself to sleep that night because she beat me. On my birthday, that was my "present". I sigh and get up. I'm tired of thinking of these things.

I walk back to my loft that I share with a guy I met when I got here. His name is Eli. He has jet black hair and beautiful sapphire eyes. I don't know how he lives in such a sunny place. He is so fair and his cheeks are rosy. Originally, I saw potential boyfriend in him. That was until I visited his room and realized he is gay. Very cute, very sweet, very funny, and very uninterested in what I have to offer. He is a very feminine boy. Even at first I never really thought of him as hot or sexy; he's just really cute. I've been here a week and I already know I could trust him with the world. I still haven't told him my situation though. If I did he would worry about me too much. He can read me pretty well, but I am a good actress I can hide the pain. If he knew my past he would be able to see it so much easier and I don't want that. Eli Is so happy all the time and I don't want to be the one to bring him down. When I walked in he was coming down the stairs looking off.

" Hey, Eli! Everything okay?" I asked. When he looked up I saw hurt on his face. He was also looking at me weirdly.

"Is there anything you want to tell me," he asked quickly, eyes narrowing. I felt the blood drain from my cheeks.

"Why what's going on?"

"I don't know you tell me. Is there anything I should know about you or am I just being paranoid?" he looked kind of sheepish as if what ever he was accusing me of seemed silly now. Should I tell him? I do need to talk to someone soon or I might blow up.

"Well, why don't you tell me what it is you think I've done wrong? I'll tell you the thruth and if it's not what I HAVE been hiding, then I'll do my best to explain."

"Alright, well, your American, yes."

"Yes."

"Is your real name Nikki?"

"No"

"Are you Kristina?"

God. There it was. He knew.

"Yes," my voice cracked, "listen im really sorry I just didn't want to drag you into my shitty life and your so happy all the time and your all innocent and I didn't want to show you that the world is not the perfect place you think it is and-"

"Okay! Okay! Yeah, yeah I get it." He pulled me in for a hug and I was so relieved. I had a real friend here and I wasn't ready to give up anything else. I just want to live my life.

I just want to be okay.